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Your Rainbow

If you paint with only a couple of colors all the time you miss your rainbow.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot. Mainly due to all the posts and pictures on facebook that talk about…if this person or that thing doesn’t make you feel good, service you…get rid of it. Throw that banana peel out!!!!

I disagree to that blanket statement. Seems so…black and white. It really doesn’t acknowledge that you might be the pain in the arse in the situation. Or that the relationship is “meant to be”. That you are both there to grow and learn. Maybe the relationship should change or evolve, but to just throw it out…You get uncomfortable, you don’t feel good, you’re the pain, they are the pain, you bale, they bale, you take your un-evolving baggage with you and shade your next relationship with the same color.

Not to say that some times IT IS time to move on, let things go. That discernment, to know the difference, is hard. The courage to stay or go is hard too.

Life is shaded with a PLETHRA of experiences to make life VIBRANT.

The last month: my person challenge; to live fully, gain the gifts, let go of whats not meant to stay.

Running a race that I WORKED hard for and rocked out. My dog getting cancer, putting her down, burying her. The family experience of that. Years of hard work paying off and finally having my family reunited. Asking for something and receiving it, on my time table interestingly enough. Sadness of my wonderful mentor moving, acknowledging that its time for me to be more of a big girl. Letting go of a relationship that wasnt nurturing my heart, wanting to make sure that I wasnt baling, that I didnt needed to stick longer. Having a relationship with mentor and friend, where one has discord and the other not. Accepting that my mother is who she is, not baling and not being too attached, but living the relationship fully nontheless, on some terms that I dont quite understand yet, but thats ok. Working through a shoulder injury, the pain, frustration and blah blah blah. Having a ton of fun with my kids. Really loving life, being SUPER DUPER EXCITED! Putting my biz hat back on and building some momentum.

I really didn’t back down from fully living any of these experiences. I tried to not get so attached to one experience, one color, letting that shade the rest. It was tough, but once through it…WHOOOO RAW!

It’s healthy to have relationships of all different kinds. Happy. Business. Strictly formal. Have agreed to disagree. Not getting along. Loving. Discord. We learn from them all. I want to be careful of “oh I don’t align with that person so out they go”.

Perhaps with a bit of patience and understanding. We shine with our strongest colors, but diminish the others. So more of a blue rainbow. Or a pink one.

The world/life/relationship are always changing. This is our playing ground to learn, find ourselves, change ourselves, find things…If we bale, work so hard to make live comfortable…we miss out. We get stagnate. Stale. Gray.

Don’t miss your rainbow. (keep the banana peel, maybe the squirrel will eat it)

YOU ARE AWESOME!
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Abandonment and a Journey Up the Mountain

Yesterday I felt driven, required, inspired to drive a pitfall that had been abandoned to a foster family many hours away.  I have always had this special place in my heart for things that needed rescued.  

A bit of back story, I signed up for a 70.3 in Des Moines, Iowa to inspire, force, drive myself to finish up some work that I have been  doing in the area of inner child healing, letting go, truly moving on.  We can talk about that later.

I let my mind explore why I was driven to help these dogs and I wanted to share with others the work that I viewed as difficult and life changing.  Using the service of helping dogs, which seems to be easier work than driving to a therapist weakly, to heal the heart.  After all, isn’t that what God tells us to do and perhaps why. Heal our souls through the work of helping other.  Being humble and practicing humanity.

Though a lot of thought that was mostly given to me, as during the trip I had decided to be super receptive to whatever thoughts and feelings were coming, and sharing back to the universe ... it was a very raw real and from the heart process.  Which I feel gifted me with the next awesome step in my evolution to healing my soul and becoming the next best version of myself.  

Yes.  I had forgiven my parents for all the things.  However, it was very clear that I had not really dealt with my abandonment issues.  Which at the VERY present time are really causing some other issues in areas of my life that were causing my grief and suffering. 

I did some following of my heart.  It makes me smile to see how the hours and days have progress.  Who I have reached out too. What they have said. And how through all of this, I found my next work.  

I like work.  I like to know that if I see a problem, I have some means of working on it.  It makes me feel incredibly powerless, stressed and all sorts of anxious feelings to know that something is wrong, really wrong, and I can’t get a handle on it.  I’m thankful that God told me.  Amazing.

Discovering that I really need to work on my fear of abandonment, which is causing some real in your face anxiety, is so empowering that I’m pretty darn pumped.  To know the issue means that I can find a solution.  The first link that I read was such an eye opening that it has instantly changed how I feel about myself and all the things I’m working on at the moment.  I feel in control again, empowered and that I can find a solution.  I do not feel lost anymore.    

https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/abandonment-issues

Then I continued with searching and found some articles and resources and ended up finding a program, a series of books with some online resources to start with.  I feel great. Hopeful.

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