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Time to cut the crap and prioritize my goals and dreams

This summer sure has been a lot. We had a busy race schedule. D had a lot of military commitments to accomplish. The boys decided to shift from homeschooling to brick and mortar school. Some personal issues that are lingering. The experience of the Madison 70.3 drownings. My own race at Ohio 70.3. The experience of the bikers death on course during Ohio. I decided to take on healing abuse and rape from my past head on.

These last couple of months had been a lot. I think I’ve adulted fairly well. Though admitted I did pack on 15 pounds and drank a bit too much there for a bit. Here I am. Coming out of much of that stuff. Stronger. More wise.

I totally want a big fat gold star for holding my own and not stabbing anyone. ⭐️⭐️⭐️

❤️❤️❤️I’m thankful that I signed up for Ironman Texas prior to all of that. ❤️❤️❤️

I like to use a big race to rationalize buying a new 💥Plum Papers journal💥 and working on something big. Big like Ironman. But this time around, big like being a better human being and with less of an injured soul. I’ve come to learn that only YOU can accomplish that. Once you are ready. We bounce from thing to thing, trying to find a comfortable place to learn our lessons. When in reality … we just need to stop. Do it. Work. Know it will be hard. And have faith on the other side things will be ok. So the $$ I dropped down for IMTX and that darn $50 journal has been the key factor in my continuing to move forward in the path I’m on now. I usually bale and go find a different road. Missing the lesson.

Coach John and D were talking the other day. And I was looking at Johns countdown numbers that he updates. DAILY. I started thinking … wow, that’s dedication. And a great tool to help him keep the eye on the prize. #gysd THEN … I was like … HOLY SHIT BK … You have no idea how many days to IMTX. And I started doing math in my head. And I started with a quick summary of my paces at the moment and what I want at Tx. And I walked out of his pain cave with a new resolve.

While adulting is critical. Handling your shit is important. So is prioritizing your goals and dreams.

SQUIRREL MOMENT …. Someone said to me a while back … not your monkeys not your circus, when I was looking for support for my things going on. And that really pissed me off (and I stopped going that way for support) because I didn’t want to abandon my boys to handle life on their own. Or take the avenue of counseling and what not when I know there are things I can do and offer. And I didn’t want to end certain relationships because of things and the non clarity of what’s going on. 🐒🐿🐵🐿🥜

So I need to find the balance of taking care of some of this big stuff on my plate but I also need to make sure that I am prioritizing my goals and dreams.

💥 13:50 Ironman Texas

💥 Happiest kids on the block

💥 Brilliant marriage

💥 Guide Brave Soul and the Wolfpack to the next level

So … in conclusion … let’s wrap this up!!

✅ I need to stop sleeping to much being in a mini potty party. And I need to eat with excellence so I can help the body recover from the copious amounts of stress that has resulted in the need for more sleep.

✅ I need to hold better boundaries with those around me. Hold them to doing what they can for themselves more.

✅ Do that first thing better so my anxiety and general sense of upheaval lessens. So I can communicate more effectively.

✅ GYSD

✅ HONOR my beings need for self care and prioritize that as well.

YOU ARE AWESOME!
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Abandonment and a Journey Up the Mountain

Yesterday I felt driven, required, inspired to drive a pitfall that had been abandoned to a foster family many hours away.  I have always had this special place in my heart for things that needed rescued.  

A bit of back story, I signed up for a 70.3 in Des Moines, Iowa to inspire, force, drive myself to finish up some work that I have been  doing in the area of inner child healing, letting go, truly moving on.  We can talk about that later.

I let my mind explore why I was driven to help these dogs and I wanted to share with others the work that I viewed as difficult and life changing.  Using the service of helping dogs, which seems to be easier work than driving to a therapist weakly, to heal the heart.  After all, isn’t that what God tells us to do and perhaps why. Heal our souls through the work of helping other.  Being humble and practicing humanity.

Though a lot of thought that was mostly given to me, as during the trip I had decided to be super receptive to whatever thoughts and feelings were coming, and sharing back to the universe ... it was a very raw real and from the heart process.  Which I feel gifted me with the next awesome step in my evolution to healing my soul and becoming the next best version of myself.  

Yes.  I had forgiven my parents for all the things.  However, it was very clear that I had not really dealt with my abandonment issues.  Which at the VERY present time are really causing some other issues in areas of my life that were causing my grief and suffering. 

I did some following of my heart.  It makes me smile to see how the hours and days have progress.  Who I have reached out too. What they have said. And how through all of this, I found my next work.  

I like work.  I like to know that if I see a problem, I have some means of working on it.  It makes me feel incredibly powerless, stressed and all sorts of anxious feelings to know that something is wrong, really wrong, and I can’t get a handle on it.  I’m thankful that God told me.  Amazing.

Discovering that I really need to work on my fear of abandonment, which is causing some real in your face anxiety, is so empowering that I’m pretty darn pumped.  To know the issue means that I can find a solution.  The first link that I read was such an eye opening that it has instantly changed how I feel about myself and all the things I’m working on at the moment.  I feel in control again, empowered and that I can find a solution.  I do not feel lost anymore.    

https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/abandonment-issues

Then I continued with searching and found some articles and resources and ended up finding a program, a series of books with some online resources to start with.  I feel great. Hopeful.

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