😥 It makes them more upset.
👎🏻 It tells them you think they are at fault, something is wrong with them.
✍️It tells them that you have judged their feelings and it’s bad.
💂♂️💂♂️💂♂️It tells them that you are not there or available to help them deal with their feelings.
As someone that has/does struggle with anxiety and depression, at one point at a fairly serious level … telling someone to calm down is … a little bossy and unkind. Maybe even selfish.
Struggling with feelings like that is very difficult and feels horrible. I think that when we tell folks to calm down it’s more of an out for us to not have to dig a bit deeper and help that person … meaning you have to get your hands a bit dirty.
You have to experience some of what they are feeling. Get a little uncomfortable. Be ok with not having a solution for them and just share space and time with them.
I know for me … if one of my trusted people just listens to me, doesn’t judge me and stands in my space and helps me “stand” … I call down much faster. And if I’m really upset physical tough by my most trusted, the warmth and weight, helps my body physically calm down. Mentally … no. At that point the body is RAMPED up and needs a body solution to come back down.
Don’t be afraid to not judge yourself. To accept who you are. To love that part too. Everyone has these feelings. Some of us … due to this or that … have a system that works a little different. Don’t let people judge you for these harder to deal with emotions. It says more about them than you. Yes you need to keep your shit together. But you don’t do it alone. And you aren’t broken.