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How “obstacles” leads to Resilience

What if I told you that “obstacles and how you handle them leads to RESILIENCE? 💥💯👊🏻

What are “obstacles”. Things that get in the way. Duh. Coach BK. For example, my spouse isn’t supportive, my job is too hectic, I focus on my kids too much, I don’t make my workouts a priority, I don’t make me a priority. I self sabatage. I don’t play very well. I procrastinate because I don’t really want to work hard. I procrastinate because I don’t want to catch up on all that I lost. I just don’t want to. I am tired. I didn’t sleep well. I can’t get to the gym.

Are there two different kinds of obstacles. Excuses and legitimate things that get in the way that we really didn’t create ourselves.

EXCUSES and BS stuff … like not planning and packing our things when we watched 3 episodes of the 100.

LEGIT things …. like the weather and the pool schedule. Or our spouse not helping when I’m doing my part.

If you want to hit the EXCUSES and BS HEAD ON, continue to read on.

  • Look at it. Write it down. And ask yourself. WHY. Why didn’t I do that. And don’t take “I don’t know” for an answer. Ask enough and strong enough until you get a heart felt answer. That might come with a long sigh, tear, a curse word or head down kind of reaction. Truth.
  • Write that down. Without negative words or thoughts. Just write it down.
  • Then look at it in a loving and honest way, like you were trying to figure out why the faucet leaked, very objective without a lot of emotions. Problem solve why. Without judgement. “My job is really stressful and how I’m responding to the stress is stealing all my energy.” “The lack of support from my spouse makes me sad and causes me to throw a mild pity party.” “I have too much on my plate and I just don’t have the energy.” “I have too much on my plate and I’m making a big deal out of it all and thats taking up too much of my energy.” “I am not good enough to prioritize to put me first, if I’m not important, why would I come first, or 2nd or …”

The LEGIT obstacles you have to be creative and kinda reasonable.

For this group of obstacles, health conditions, logistically things, injuries, adulting duties … you have to figure out how bad to you want your goal. Is the juice worth the squeeze and if there is a way to adjust fire. For example, can I do swim strength workouts instead of swimming in a pool because the pool schedule is really unreasonable and gets in the way of family time.

ON THE DAILY : WHAT TO DO

  1. Awareness is key. KING.
  2. Writing it down somehow is QUEEN.
  3. Being honest and kind. Objective and real.
  4. Breath into it, work to take a moment, get calm and aligned with your purpose and power words if you have them
  5. Write out WHY. Ask until you get TRUTH
  6. Be kind and objective and see about adjusting fire.
  7. Work to write a different story. If it’s a EXCUSE/BS thing that is getting in the way, write out what the ROCKSTAR version of you would do and how it would feel. Write a new store. OWN IT. Practice it.
  8. If you get stuck, share with someone else THAT HAS SIMILAR GOALS OR ROLLS LIKE YOU DO OR WANT TO (clears her throat, share with your coach)
  9. Get creative and try other things if it’s a LEGIT, you don’t have a lot of control over the obstacle. Like jobs/bosses/spouses/kids.
  10. Explore. Repeat if it works. If it doesn’t try again. And then explore how to adjust a bit and try again. Do not quit.
  11. Be Patient. Let the written words sit for a day if it doesn’t come together all at once. Let your heart and soul solve some of it. Impatience can push us out of this magic.

THIS LEADS TO RESILIENCE

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We were never meant to do Personal Growth Alone!

❓Do the work by yourself? or are these relationship things needed?

❓Do we have an epidemic of blocking, unfriending, ghosting?

❓Do we run away from the unknown, the uncomfortable, the scary too much?

❓Do we need to learn how to share space, love and energy with others?

I started out as a Life coach, and a nutrition coach, then a yoga teacher, now a tri coach, or epic hard stuff. It has been interesting to see the progression of myself and how I have more tools to help others achieve their goals and dreams, and help them to see that they can achieve a whole lot more than what they thought possible. Pretty hard cool, I get to see miracles. All the stinking time.

I have been working on myself, pretty heavy for the last 5 to 10 years. I have a lot to unravel, clean up, clear out and all that. Rebuild stronger. More resilient. Through all of this, I see with each step forward that my abilities to help others increases. Cool.

Currently I am learning that we really do need each other. This is probably one of the biggest things that we are getting wrong. That we feel like we have to figure stuff out on our own. Our culture teaches that. And let’s face it, being vulnerable and asking for help. We really suck at that. We are super judgy of ourselves and others which makes this line of thought even more of a challenge. Why would you want to make yourself vulnerable to someone when maybe you fear them judging you and being an ass, which, perhaps thats historically what has happened. And frankly, I don’t see ourselves as a culture improving on this much.

Social media is sure making this even more of a emotional habit/escape that we do. It’s so easy to unfriendly someone, to ghost them, to not communicate. And then to take it up a notch and to post silly self rationalizing things that make you feel better. Promote the person not taking responsibility for it. AND we get acknowledgement and positive re-informcement for that crap tactic behavior because either the people liking and encourage you doon’t know the story, their own story is trigger or we just like being bullies and self righteous judges of all things. That mob mentality.

🙂 Gosh. That was a lot. #nmf

So, these relationships that we find ourselves in. Rarely do they go perfect. There is some rubbing. Especially with time. Our friends and lovers, children and what not are mirrors for our own stuff. We love to leave those relationships because it’s hard to look in the mirror and see someone that really embraces the victim role, can be an asshole, Whiney, etc. How’s that for judgy. We all have our stuff that promotes behaviors that hurt others. Period. Looking in the mirror, seeing it and working on it takes bravery.

AND RELATIONSHIPS. it takes communication, lessons, practice and another person helping you to learn the lesson. Because for FUCK SAKES, this stuff doesn’t come from Amazon. We have to earn it. We have to earn trust, security with others, a good relationship, peace, etc. We have to do the work that is on our plate. We have to show up. Dig. Then wash rinse repeat. It’s a dance that we have to learn. With a partner.

Doing it by ourselves isn’t working. Truly. Look at us as a culture.

We have to communicate our people what we are working on, we have to do the work, they need to give us space to practice and gentle guidance when we need to change it up and keep working. Just like learning to shoot hoops, drive a golf ball. We try. We practice. We adjust. We practice. We get help. We continue. To practice.

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