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Growth in the Quiet Times

Here is fall!  Soon winter will be upon us.  Such a wonderful time of year.  Time of reflection on your improvements, wins, celebrations and other most excellent stuff that happened.  AND interestingly enough … more time of change.  Under the surface.

The spring and summer are times of growth.  Green leaves, flowers and new branches.  With FALL and winter … we have a time that we move slower, conserve energy and change things up.  It does not mean that we do “less important work”.  We think about investing, working on foundation pieces, changing things that we like would like to see different.  We do this so when ACTION time comes again in the spring and fall, things are a bit different than previous. Growth.

Trees go through a similar process.  They lose their leaves in the fall and winter.  Doesn’t make them less of a tree.  Or not as strong of a tree.  Sometimes branches break off.  Sometimes the weight of the snow helps to facilitate change.  A needed process as sometimes the branches that needed to go, maybe they are a bit weak.   In this way … the tree isn’t utilizing vital energy keeping alive a piece that isn’t really helping anymore.  Helping the “big picture”.  Pruning. Shedding.  It can be a painful process … but much needed.

And another thought to throw out. This branch. The one that is “weak” … “broken” … “no longer needed” … could be VITAL the the survival of other pieces of the puzzle.  This branch can fall and provide a home for creatures living on the forest floor.  So the “weak” branch really isn’t of less importance … it’s use has shifted to somewhere else.  The tree isn’t served by struggling to keep the branch alive.  Yet sometimes the tree can’t get rid of the branch itself …

Such as life … sometimes the challenges that we have “inspire” changes (or really stronger encourage or MAKE HAPPEN).  The weak branch, once a strong branch, now having served it purpose or withstood some challenge, moves on to a different purpose.   Our challenges are like the snow, helping us to “let go” of the branch.  Hopefully in an objective, namaste kind of way. Not that the branch no longer serves us, though this is true, hopefully in a shedding process were we knowledge that what we are needing to get rid of will be used elsewhere.

Energy is neither created or destroyed.  Just changes.  Thanks Newton. Thanks Thermodynamics.

The process can be lonely.  The process can seem tough and overwhelming.  Seriously, it’s cold and quiet.  We don’t hear a lot of the birds.  We miss the green color and the fresh smell.  However this is what encourages the roots to reach deeper.  To make the tree stronger.  To shed the old, no longer needed to make room for new and different.   Getting through these times of change and growth can be rough.  New.  It’s kind of easy to fall back to old thought patterns, behaviors.  It’s normal to feel like you are going crazy a wee tiny bit.  It’s normal to feel uncomfortable.  The thing to focus on is your faith, trust and keeping your eye on the prize.  To keep moving forward, one step at a time … because we all know that it gets harder (hardest) at the very end.  Like with ironman, those last couple miles are brutal, but the break through at the end is completely worth it.

So, are we talking about the …

  • ATHLETE:  Do you need to drop weight. Get rid of an injury.  Get your mind right.
  • MOM:  Adjust your relationship with your kids, be less friend and mom and more boss.  Or be less busy so you can listen more and role model more of what you want to see.
  • WIFE:  let go of past stuff to provide space for new chances, new “stuff”
  • HUMAN:  let go of past stuff to make room for new.  Let go of “not good enough” so you can dream bigger.  Be less focused on yourself and “SEE” other people, be of more service, smile more, hold more doors open
  • the list goes on and on …

 

Keep your eyes up

Hearts open  

Trust  

Have Faith

Keep moving forward

YOU ARE AWESOME!
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That swim SUCKED but Coach told me to mark it as a win

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MOOOOOLA.  And defeat.  I came from pretty heavy anyway.  I had to work my tail off to get to 150ish.  Quite a feet for me.  Didn't come easy.  I wasn't one that could just eat and eat and not gain.  I look at potatoes and gravy and my arse gets bigger. #nmf  (and I love me some steak, mash potatoes and gravy." OK!  So that is the blog about.  Coach told me that sucky ass swim was a win.  I believe him.  I trust him.  I do.  He's my guy.  You want someone to help you with training, get a good guy (or gal).  One thats real and knows when to give you a hug and not tough love.  And knows when to tell you to get your shit together.  Good coach.  Anyway.  This story is kind of funny in parts.  And I just want to share it with you, to inspire you to never quit, but maybe reserve the right to hit the pause button.  It's hard to share ... as it's all my glorious warts out in the open and as a coach ... it's hard to not relate being a good coach with ... preparing well.  But I'm so far from perfect.  hahahaha.  Namaste that beetches!  So .... the story goes ... I have a heart condition right now that is pretty in your face, I'm on two heart meds that really aren't working that well.  Tho the cardio dude says go train, blah blah blah.  He doesn't get it.  He kind of doesn't really listen.  Its pretty terrible really when those of us that are really trying to get treatment of those that DON'T GIVE A SHIT.  I'm not smoking.  I'm not eating my weight in bon bons every day. I never sit on my couch ... makes me mad. (another story). So this heart condition.  Meds.  Things act up interestingly enough when my body change orientation.  Standing to laying down. The other night in bed readying my heart (while mediated^2) was trucking away at 125.  Nice. So I pop another pill and hope it helps. (I try to find balance but if anyone knows me ... I get pretty mad when I can't workout at all.  After all, it's suppose to be good for you.  I've really toned it down, do start stuff.  Rest, blah blah blah) So .... the team meets up to get in an OWS. Hahaha. I LIVE IN KS.  It's FORKING windy here.  And today ... dude the weather people tripped everyone out .... HUGE STORMS BLAH BLAH BLAH .... drama drama drama.  The radar was so clear.  What the hell.  It was super windy tho.  SOOOOO that means.  Rough water. Ok ... so what.  I can do rough water.  I'm good with it.  RIGHT! A bit of background.  I did almost drown as a kid.  My triathlon world started with wanting to learn to swim.  I use to be a complete DISASTER.  But I did the work.  My coach NEVER left my side.  NEVER.  Meaning he never gave up on me.  And didn't ... kind of be condesending ... like some do/did/blah. #nmf SO GUESS WHAT I DID! More background.  hahaha. This is the funny part.  I DNF'ed my first race at NOLA 70.3 last year.  Mostly due to the stupid crazy swim conditions and I AM NOT A QUITTER!  Seriously tho, those at NOLA '16 know what I'm talking about.  A recent version of the Titantic.  Due to panic ... I gave myself pulmonary edema.  (Panic from childhood PTSD and the conditions and jumping into hell.) So ... that shook me up, but ROCKED OUT mass start IMMW months later.  I know how to do chop.  And my coach knows I do. However, enter in new heart meds.  Blah blah blah.  F'in blah. OH!  I forgot to tell you that I decided to wear my NOLA swim cap.  Flipping the bird that that episode of life.  I was pretty confident that I could do it.  I had warmed up.  Felt good.  e.t.c. LOL.  This is kind of how I roll .... roll my eyes at karma.  She's pretty good that slapping me down quick and fast.  You'd like for a smartie that I'd learn to be less .... whatever. So ... start off. Calm. I get in the water first.  Because I'm ready. No hesitation.  Waiting for the rest of the team to get in the water cause my feet are getting cold.  And we go.  BOOM!  I'm hoping my 920 doesn't jack up the yards again and I have to call Garmin again.  Easy peasy.  Calm ... and it sneaks up on me.  Just the ... I can't get in enough O^2.  I rest a bit.  Coach is telling me to breathe.  What he's really saying is CALM THE F DOWN KISSINGER. ;) I was pretty calm.  Next time I rested I told him ... I just can't seem to use my legs.  So in chop and my new fast mode of swimming, no legs sucks.  So ... and it continues to sneak up on me.  I rest.  Talk myself into slowing down the breathe.  And continue.  I'm still pretty sure at this point that things will calm down.  (yeah, I did run and warm up before I put on my NOLA cap). And then around the bouy I start to cough and spit up crap.  GREAT.  I know what this is.  Fluid in the lungs.  The pulomary edema.  Coughing. Spit up. More coughing. Rest on the kayak.  More coughing.  I know I'm done at this point.  But I'm stubborn. I needed this swim. I've been having this mental dilemma of quitting tri for awhile.  Short fast stuff is out.  Long stuff apparently.  Fix the heart.  Maybe revisit later.  Cardio dude says I don't have to.  blah blah blah.  Give the meds time to work.  Blah blah blah. So.  I hit the PAUSE BUTTON.  I decide to swim to shore, let the kayak support help all the other swimmers.  I walk around the water in the stickers .... OH MAN THAT MADE ME MAD ... holding my darn wetsuit off my chest because I literally was feeling like shit was going to go south.  Coach is yelling at me to breathe.  a.k.a CALM THE F DOWN KISSINGER.  And I'm mad.  Trying to calm down.  Being mad makes it worse.  Crying. HOT F'IN MESS.  #nmf So I get to the boat ramp.  Chat with Nemo, my friend and team mate.  And coughing my head off think ... caffeine.  I need coffee now.  FYI. Thats the quickest way to fix pulmonary edema, due to this swim bs.  To stop it.   So I decide I'm going to starbucks. But I don't.  I wait.  And cry.  Think about leaving.  Stay and cry.  Because it's my team and ... I stay for the whole practice.  It's what you do. You're injured.  You show up and help. You do something. You don't quit. So coach tells me .... chills.  It's the meds.  You can do this. You know you can.  Stop thinking of the what if's.  We will figure stuff out.  It's a win. You showed up.  You got in the water.  You tried. It's a WIN today.

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