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EPIC 2018: Drawing closer to the next version of myself

As I sit typing to you at Greenwich and 111th street on a box, returning to a place of sorrow filled discovery, I want to share my heart. To give the feelings (energy) back to the universe. To fully feel both sides of this day. Thanksgiving. The beautiful scenes and moments as well as the equally heart grasping sad moments. Yin and yang. Light and dark. Positive and negative. (Hopefully to see and experience them more objectively, as this seems to be karma’s lesson for me this year). Being brave enough to really feel the feelings, communicate them … to release them like butterflies back to the beautiful earth.

I have so many thoughts that I want to express. Feelings to let flow from my heart, through my fingers to the universe (aka blog, book, your heart) with the earnest intention of letting go of what I don’t need anymore, healing soft parts and maybe (hopefully) inspiring others to do the same. I look at the world and my heart is so saddened with the disregard, blindness, hardness, anger, hate. Love will heal all. This I have always believed. This I have faith in. Unwavering faith. And with this next challenge I have committed to (epic freaking comeback of 2018, being the best human being I can and hopefully rock out another ironman) I am working to bring more of all my being to that faith. To live more in that. The truth that all that is needed is LOVE. Less in pain, hurt and anger.

Quick shift in gears. (T1)

I want to blog about my experience of the medical mission trip to Ecuador and the following adventures. The experience was so intense and I came back a different person. So different that I kind of don’t know myself anymore, yet at the same time I feel as if I’m more “me” than I have ever been. I’m pretty excited to see how I evolve … more on that adventure.

A good friend asked me during the mission trip what I was learning (like big life lesson). I thought for a couple days and landed on being more …. open and honest, clear eyes and full heart, to the equal and opposite side of things. The JOY and the PAIN, as if they weren’t “good” or “bad” but more just opposite ends of this beautiful rainbow that I’m experiencing. As I ask for MORE EPIC adventures/results/goals/victories, I need to toughen up a bit or something to experience the other side of it without … my habitual “OMG” reactions. So much more on this … but maybe you get the idea.


LIGHT: This morning running with my friends at the Say Grace 5K. I love racing with my friends. As I’m a HUGE SOCIAL BUTTERFLY! For a person that use to (still has) person space issues (thanks Coach for helping me work on this by sitting on me with your sweaty body 😉 ) I love love love hugging my peeps and planting kisses on their cheeks. More hugs and kisses I say! 🙂

DARK: Experiencing the complete suckage of the state of my running. These heart rhythm struggles have really brought me to my knees. Who likes to get past (in the dust really) by all their friends. And past by the lady that says … “oh, you’ll be waiting on me because I’m super slow”. Humbling. (I will definitely call bs with any dogging of the back of the packers. Or bullying on fb in this realm. Nope.)

Honestly this new lesson for me, experiencing both ends equally is making me feel like I’m bipolar. For reals. The joy of running with friends, racing, getting cool bling, finish line crosses and then hiding behind a tree for a bit because the race was crap-freaking-fantastic and makes you doubt with every foot fall any success at ironman. Hiding behind the tear to let the tears fall. #cleareyesfullheart

The ponying up. Not texting your coach to tell you to ignore the thoughts of doubt because …. it’s so early and what are you going to do quit? Maybe it’s progress to not text him, yet to hear his voice in your heart … “get your mind right Kissinger”. Get on the pony and go biking.

LIGHT: Going on a beautiful (seriously beautiful) bike ride. With good friends. The weather is gorgeous and we just ignore the stupid slow legs and enjoy yourself. Take a couple good selfies. ;). After all, isn’t THIS what Thanksgiving is about … being thankful for the tiny moments that you have. That you have breath to breathe. Sun to see by. Wind to try the sweat and tears.

DARK: Experiencing the beautiful land with so much awareness that you spy and full experience the state of the human condition. A bag full of dead animals. Are they kittens, puppies or dead ducks. Does it matter? What do you do with that feeling … that some human beings are terrible. That as a species, we are destroying this very beautiful place. Maybe that’s why we focus on Black Friday sales, buying stuff we don’t need or can’t afford, to stick our head in the sand about how horrible of a species we actually are. So vivid in my mind and heart is swimming with sea turtles and experience life in a POOR country yet feeling so much more … at peace there as they CLEARLY volume life more than we do. My heart aches for the life that is now in this box. Discarded like trash. No value.

Maybe there is the soft spot. Having been always left in one manner or another.

So … typing this on a box filled with useless loss, a bag full of dead ducks, I feel this experience fully. And am extremely grateful. That I am becoming wiser. Less harden. Stronger and more at ease. I will figure out how to gracefully and with love return these creatures to the earth and with them, let go a bit of my abandoned “soft spot”. Very grateful for a texted question from mostly a complete stranger …. “what got you off course.” The honest answer … “being hurt and losing a bit of faith in the universe.”

I am returning to that place of peace. FAITH.

A place of security, however not devoid of pain and joy. As both are needed to change the soul.


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Energy Products and Blood Sugar Management


  1. Food enters the digestive track, the pancreas "hears" about it. (through hormones and the nervous system).
  2. The pancreas sends insulin out to prep the cells to be able to receive the glucose from the food.
  3. When the pancreas "hears" that the insulin levels are going down it sends out glucagon so the cells stop taking up sugar so levels of sugar in the blood don't get too low.

When Things go Sideways

  1. When the system doesn't work properly the cells don't take up the sugar and it stays in the blood stream.
  2. "Insulin resistance" is a term that is used to describe when the blood sugar management system is off, the insulin is being sent out but the cells are ignoring it. It's like a traffic jam, the ambulance can't get through. Generally INFLAMMATION is blocking the cells.
  3. Mind insulin resistance often gets overlooked because the signs are mild and the body works hard to correct this vital system. After all, we are talking about each and every cell in the body doing everything that they do so you can breathe, walk, poop, blink, etc.
  4. As this imbalance gets worse, the main players, the muscles, liver and fat tissue, get negatively impacted as they are they have a lot of responsibility with energy storage and usage.
  5. The brain also gets affected as they have cells that are very sensitive to blood sugar. This is why you hear the term "brain fog", "burnt out" with the "belly fat" when referring this type of weight/energy issue.
    1. Food Intake
    2. Body weight
    3. Reproduction
    4. Learning
    5. Memory
  6. Early symptoms: feeling foggy, unfocused and scatter brained. Sometimes you will feel like NO amount of caffeine will get you going in the am. Huge sugar cravings in the afternoon are related to this as well.
  7. Insulin resistance --> Diabetes --> Metabolic Syndrome
  8. Metabolic Syndrome is serious business in that it causes stroke, heart disease and is one of the leading causes of death. It has strong ties to PCOS and now studies are showing that it's a factor in endothelial, breast and colon cancer.
  9. For most people fasting glucose isn't high when insulin resistance begins. The fasting glucose testing isn't early enough in the process, so while this clue doesn't trigger any action, the issue is causing negative impacts to the health of the body.


  • Fatigue
  • Brain fog
  • Belly Fat
  • Sleepiness after meals
  • Sugar cravings (especially right after a meal)

Signs that things have progressed to diabetes

  • Increased thirst
  • Frequent urination
  • Poor healing of cuts and wounds
  • Increased hunger
  • Unexplained weight loss
  • And fasting glucose is up to 120 (avg/consistent)

Criteria for Metabolic Syndrome

  • (3 or more of the following)
  • High triglyceride levels
  • abdominal obesity
  • High blood pressure
  • High fasting blood sugar
  • Low HDL cholesterol levels

Four other syndromes that are related to insulin resistance

  • PCOS: this is a form of metabolic syndrome. The cysts on the ovaries that really aren't the issue. It's the metabolic changes that are the real issue. More on this later.
  • PMS. Directed affected by insulin resistance.
  • Thyroid Hormone Imbalance, high insulin levels can cause the thyroid to malfunction. And hypo/hyper thyroidism can have an impact on insulin.
  • Gestational Diabetes


  • Excess weight also raises estrogen
  • Women that are over weight are more prone to conditions related to estrogen dominance
  • Weight lose improves insulin resistance and estrogen dominance
  • Info on Hyperglycemia
  • Info on Hypoglycemia

more geeky information

Blood glucose control

Our blood glucose level, or blood sugar level, is the amount of glucose (sugar) in the blood. The amount of glucose in the blood is measured in millimoles per litre (mmol/l). Glucose levels are measured most commonly to diagnose or to monitor diabetes. It is also important to keep an eye on blood glucose levels during certain situations – for example: during pregnancypancreatitis and with increasing age. Normally, blood sugar levels stay within a narrow range during the day. A good level is between 4 to 8mmol/l (or under 85 with a glucose monitor). After you consume food, your blood sugar level will rise and after you have had a night’s rest, they will usually be lowest in the morning.

Diabetes is a common disease in our society, affecting 2-5% of the general population, with many more people unaware that they may be affected by this condition. Diabetes results from a lack of insulin, or insensitivity of the body towards the level of insulin present. Thus if you have diabetes, your blood sugar level may move outside the normal limits.

Why is controlling blood sugar levels so important?

Carbohydrate foods are the body’s main energy source. When they are digested, they break down to form glucose in the bloodstream. If you make sure you eat regular meals, spread evenly throughout the day, you will help maintain your energy levels without causing large rises in your blood sugar levels. It is also important to maintain a stable and balanced blood sugar level, as there is a limited range of blood sugar levels in which the brain can function normally. Regular testing of your blood sugar levels allows you to monitor your level of control and assists you in altering your diabetes management strategy if your levels aren’t within the expected/recommended range.

Long term complications, including eye disease, kidney problems, nerve problems, cerebrovascular disease such as strokes, and cardiovascular disease such as heart attacksheart failure and high blood pressure, can be significantly reduced. Based on studies of people with type 1 diabetes (Diabetes Control and Complications Trial : DCCT) and type 2 diabetes (United Kingdom Prevention of Diabetes – UKPDS), maintaining near normal blood sugars and glycated haemoglobin levels significantly reduces the risks of complications arising from diabetes.

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