Today’s blog is brought to you by my attempt at balancing building my own business, working for someone else and putting food in my kids mouth. (And paying for heart surgeries).
Admittedly I don’t take being bossed around well. I don’t know if it’s me and my personality or that I just don’t deal well with crappy bosses. Maybe a combo. I do think that I do ok with folks telling me what to do. I don’t think I do well when I don’t have room to do things with excellence , if thats outside of their status quo / expectations. Certainly if what they want me to do goes against my ethics. That’s a real big rub. One of the main reasons for the beginning of the end of my 9-5 engineering gig.
I know that in the past I would take things personal and all that. Now ... I think I just don’t do well with disrespect and lack of adulting ability.
Definitely tho ... I have work to do. Roger that.
Today, with some work related drama in the background ... I think about the fact that I haven’t been the best boss to myself.
- I for sure in the past haven’t given myself enough praise
- I might not give myself enough grace in recognizing that making changes is hard and needs more of the above to help facilitate a perm change
- Definitely too critical and default to being to hard on myself
- I tend to not honor the boundaries that I set for myself and others
- I am not the best at being consistent but I am getting better at this
AT this sentence I think a big fat pause is needed in this conversation!
Let’s take a second to look at terms and maybe open up to different thoughts in this area.
BOSS = ??
When we say boss ... what does your mind say to you? What filter do you automatically put in place.
“Person in charge”. Your thought: oh, I need to behave differently.
Your thoughts ...
Anyway. The point is .... how do you really view the person that is “above” you. In that place of guidance and leadership.
I believe that the person is suppose to be teaching you a lesson. That the catch 22 is that maybe it’s the terrible “boss” that is suppose to be teaching you the lesson. Funny how karma makes things so zesty and fun to figure out.
POINT IS ...
Are you being a good leader to yourself? Are you inspiring yourself to work differently to improve and reach towards your next goals.
Is your job “boss” inspiring the same? Do your principles align with theirs?
So many hard questions.
Let’s pull this point into a convo that you have a lot of control on. Influence. YOU BEING YOUR OWN EXCELLENT BOSS. Even if you have to go to a J O B, you can still be your own boss. Leader. Inspire-er of all this epic and awesome.
1. KNOW WHO YOU ARE
What you stand for. This is the make it or break it. You know (mindful) of who you really are, or hold the one with the boundaries that honor that. The ship sinks.
This is why Franklin Covey in the planners starts out with your principles.
(Truth needs to be present here. The deep down, who you are. Not ... “good mom” or whatever. YOU. Deep down. The stuff on your tombstone.
for me ....
I am a person that says the truth. “Satya”. So if I have to tell an untruth or be in the gray area, this is a big fat rub for me personally, mentally, emotionally, spiritually.
2. BUILD TRUST
So considering that you know who you are and what you stand for. Build trust with yourself by honoring your ethics and beliefs. AND....
When you say you are going to do something. Do it. For your own trust with yourself. As well as having others trust you.
for me ....
I like to help others, a lot. I probably tend to sway that side more (maybe to fill my “acceptable account”) than compared to my “truth account”. So I will allow others to cross a boundary or two because I am “helping” them, at the cost of my own ethics, and not speaking my truth. Honoring who I am. As a result, I lose trust in myself, in a deep down sense.
So my action step, in knowing who I AM, appropriately communicating boundaries with myself (or others) and HOLD THE LINE. In as pleasant a way as possible. Not being afraid to step on toes, don’t shy away in an attempt to fill the “acceptance account”. Go to flipping sleep at 10 or 10:30, BK! Do it. Stop jacking around with that bed time/boundary.
3. PRAISE PRAISE PRAISE
It is so hard, but we really need to get into a better mental and emotional habit of defaulting to praise vs criticism or even constructive feedback. And praise ourselves. Praise others. FIRST.
Focus on what is working. Not what needs fixed. You might be wrong about the issue, or just completely full of feces. Positivity. Focus on what’s working and is always the way to go.
for me ....
Reward myself. Quiet time in the bath. Coffee outside watching the birds. Little sticky notes that say “good job BK, you rocked that!” (and not internalize other's judgments on my actions)
I have a favor saying. #thelittlesarewatcing
A parenting truth. Your children do what you do. Not what you say. And if you constantly say something differently then they do .... OMG. The problems that ensue. Zero trust. They might actively do the opposite of what you want to express the face that you might be full of feces.
INSPIRE = fill someone with the urge or ability to do or feel something, especially to do something creative.
If #1, #2 and #3 are done well, this one naturally happens. Especially if you are thinking about how that person (or you ) think, learn, express themselves and feel .... you will be a rockstar in connecting and just rocking your jam. Inspiring others is a fully thing. It comes for you doing YOU EXCELLENTLY, giving all your heart and soul. Those that need to see that and experience it will be placed right in front of you.
BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE
(even if it is totally opposite what’s manifesting at that point in time)
for me.... I need to fill my life with people that are inspiring me. Simple as that. Read inspiring things. Watch inspiring things. Fill my soul with what’s inspiration.
5. CONSTRUCTIVE OBSERVATIONS
Communicating feedback is so important. Your relationship with yourself, with others and etc is a two way street. That is a truth. It completely maps up with that smartie Isaac Newton and his equal and opposite reaction law. You do something. There will be an affect. Feedback in and of itself isn’t good or bad. Positive or negative. Getting into the habit of giving positive feedback can be hard as we are a society that LOVES to take all the credit, not give credit to others and also to be obsessed with the negative. What’s not working. Or how I'm so awesome and did this all myself, as help is construed as negative. "I couldn't do it myself."
This positive feedback is the foundation of everything. Good parenting. Good dog training. Good coaching. Good relationship. Good self management.
On the opposite side of the coin, expressing the other feedback is equally important. (Truth, sometimes the lessons come the hard and uncomfortable way. Or most of the time). We just usually suck at it or shy away from conflict because others suck at it ... or we are delusional and think we are always right. We aren’t all that good at looking it the mirror ... in an objective and constructive (loving) way.
Constructive observation instead of criticism. If you do this and the panties get in a wad, you know that the issue isn’t (usually) with what you said or what not, but more in the person in front of you. If that happens to be you ... then you need to have a reality check with your competing behaviors. And as my coach says to me all the time, “get your mind right Kissinger”.
I need to journal daily to communicate with myself. See what I’ve been doing well. What I can work on. Where my bullshit is at (Roger that!) Use the journalling platform to be the best boss of mine that I can be.
CAN I GET A HELL YEAH!?!? ;)
STOP FREAKING BULLYING YOURSELF. Be a good boss. A leader to yourself. Not a jerk face.
Do not be afraid to fire people. ;). Maybe they need a different job.
Do that and the others around you will probably naturally follow suit. Or things will get cleaned up. Either way. Winner winner chicken dinner.