Home / Education / Ducks that heal lies

Ducks that heal lies

When we get abandoned as a child, or heck, not have the basics from the beginning … shit can end up being really hard at 45.

As a baby, we learn and thrive in acceptance from our parents. They smile when we smile. We coo when they coo. It’s part of human development. The human baby is so immature when it’s born. Darwin. So we aren’t prepared at all for anything. We are freaking smart as a species but oh so fragile.

So it’s one thing to not have enough. The basics. Food. Water. Safety. Smiles. Hugs. I love yous. Family. Toys. Laughs. Our inner self is there, perfect and whole, yet gets covered with how we manage to provide for ourselves. How we mold ourselves into a human that can survive physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually in this world.

For me. I love stuffed animals. That’s really the only toy I remember having besides some GI Joes I threw into an aquarium. This stuffed alligator. He had these cool teeth that were plastic and kind of fun. He lived in the 2nd drawer of my dresser. So today I have Ganesh. The blue eyed elephant. He goes with me everywhere. Even Julie knows to leave him along. Interesting how we … fill our needs.

On a different note, the feelings and emotions of being abandoned are intense. They are very intertwined with the basic needs of being loved and accepted. Feeling safe. Being left behind can bring with it self-doubt, self-judgement and That stupid and oh so destructive belief (lie)

“I am not enough”

“I am not good enough”

“I don’t deserve”

I’m an engineer and a tri coach, not a therapist with all the smart brainiac words. You get the meaning, and if you’ve experienced a parent leaving or a spouse or or or …. you know what I’m talking about. Our brains do this crazy thing of trying to make sense of things that don’t make sense. A parent leaving a child. That is not what is suppose to happen, there needs to be some sort of reason right?!

Zip forward a couple of years, 10 years, 20 years … and look where we find all the pieces of ourselves. Flavored by so many lies and bullshit beliefs what the inner self can’t seem to get in a word edgewise.

Oh the things that one puts up with, does not adult well … because of these beliefs (lies).

I’m not blaming anyone. Shit happens. People make mistakes. (I do not buy into “the person was doing the best they could at the time”. I find this a big fat f’in copout. Sometimes people puss out and take the easy way out. Sorry. Not sorry).

It’s unfortunate that our “health care” (“human being care”) system (or lack of one) doesn’t deal with this part well. Lives and careers, families and suicides … all flavored by this. Big fat stupid important stuff and we are doing a shitting job at healing our hearts. I have PLETHORA to say about this but I get off track.

So at 30 or 35 or 40 something, or sooner if you’re lucky, you become aware that … you are so much more. And hopefully you get a tiny taste of the possibility of turning inward, that you ARE NOT actually those beliefs.

YOU ARE AWESOME

and maybe

YOU ARE A BADASS

You know what’s the most BADASS. A mom and dad creating a human being and rocking that sh$t out. Shepherding a tiny human being into being a brilliant and loving human adult. THAT is BA. I had the privilege teaching two littles how to read. That’s BA. Again. I digress. Back to the point. You get a breath of the truth, just one is all you need … YOU ARE A BADASS.

So you get to work on healing the heart. And it’s tough stuff. You might meditate to get control of the emotion terrets. You might even think for a moment that you need to stop saying the f word. You might think you really need to change who you are.

And then you hopefully get to the point where you know that, yes, shit might have been F$CKTASTIC but there is no point in blaming others anymore. You can forgive. I don’t think forgetting is necessary as you ARE suppose to be wiser and that doesn’t mean sitting your head in the sand. It means learning and not repeating the mistakes over and over. EVOLVING. If you forgive, the forgetting part really doesn’t matter, as you aren’t hanging that victim bullshit on it. It’s just another artful paint stroke of the YOU canvas. You don’t have to forget to get back to whole and healed.

YOU ARE ALREADY WHOLE

You just need to drop some of what you picked up to help you get through the bad patch.

You become strong enough to be open and love like you were created to do. People leaving and doing hurtful things IS NOT about you. It’s about them. Their lessons. You have your own. Be wise to know the difference.

I left my duck friends in the care of the earth. As it should be. They will return to nurture the earth, trees and other animals. As it should be. I leave thoughts of my alligator there as well, placing more of my heart in Faith and belief that I’m just completely fucking (autocorrected to ducking) FINE.

Because maybe this nagging lie that I’m broken is total bullshit. #nmf

YOU ARE AWESOME!
bonnie-sig

Get weekly email nuggets of awesomeness! You'll LOVE the info!

  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

Check Also

Shine the Light on Trauma Depression Anxiety and Suicide

Do you struggle with feeling calm, cool and collected?  Do you struggle with anxiety, depression or other mental health aspects?  Are you a veteran or other person that has served your community and country, has dealt with things and now struggle for health and well being?  Have you thought about suicide? 

Retired police / artist Jim Russell and myself, BK, have been in places that are dark and scary.  Lonely.  We have dealt with depression, suicidal thoughts and other mental things that have gotten in our way of feeling ....

Safe. Happy. Content. Well adjusted.

This podcast is about being vulnerable and speaking your truth. Shining light on our soft and weaker spots.  This podcast is about being real with those around you.  Being present.  Giving our time and energy to those around us that need help.

We think about depression, anxiety and suicide thoughts as if someone has a broken leg.  We wouldn't expect them to walk themselves to the hospital for treatment.  As is with some of the mental health issues, we need to be more proactive and nurturing to those struggling with some of these things.  We need to be present and listen.  We need to give of our time and energy to see, acknowledge and help when needed.  We can't continue to wait for those that struggle to ask for help.

For those struggling with these topics, we see you, hear you.  This podcast is meant to inspire you to pause and look around.  See the help that in front of you.  Reach for it and don't let go. 

Keep up the good fight.  You are not alone.

https://youtu.be/kvDioIurVk0

Shownotes

  • (0:10) Introduction to Jim Russell, Retired Police / Artist
  • (1:00) Introduction to the GY6 Rescue
  • (4:00) Goal Orientated Approach to FEEL BETTER, mindful and aware of labels
  • (6:44) As a Deputy Chief being diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder
  • (15:48) Shared diagnosis to boss and received the perfect response
  • (36:57) Cautious with labels as they can take possibilities away
  • (37:35) BK's swim story, PTSD, miracles and pixie dust
  • (43:18) All neurotic behavior stems from suffering
  • (52:12) How some life/occupational experiences have a big and negative impact on our peace and well being
  • (57:12) PTSD can come from small things, accumulative PTSD, life events
  • (1:01:42) If you feel like something is off, there are people that can help you. Now.  You don't need a label / diagnosis. 

Jim Russell is a local Tallahassee artist who has been involved in art for most of his life. He began his formal education at FSU in 1988 as a fine arts major, diverting to criminology and spending a 25 year career in law enforcement at Florida State University. Retiring in 2018, Jim has since devoted his time with his first love, painting, and in the last 2 years has completed hundreds of works of art as a working artist. He paints mostly in oil and subject matters include realism, impressionism, and surrealism. He is currently painting a series centering on sea life. Jim is married to Connie Russell with an 12 year old son, Grayson, who is a developing artist himself. Jim advocates for mental health and drunk driving awareness, and he is an avid cyclist. His art can be seen at his Tallahassee gallery and at jimrussellart.com.

One comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

8 + 2 =