Home / Education / Ducks that heal lies

Ducks that heal lies

When we get abandoned as a child, or heck, not have the basics from the beginning … shit can end up being really hard at 45.

As a baby, we learn and thrive in acceptance from our parents. They smile when we smile. We coo when they coo. It’s part of human development. The human baby is so immature when it’s born. Darwin. So we aren’t prepared at all for anything. We are freaking smart as a species but oh so fragile.

So it’s one thing to not have enough. The basics. Food. Water. Safety. Smiles. Hugs. I love yous. Family. Toys. Laughs. Our inner self is there, perfect and whole, yet gets covered with how we manage to provide for ourselves. How we mold ourselves into a human that can survive physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually in this world.

For me. I love stuffed animals. That’s really the only toy I remember having besides some GI Joes I threw into an aquarium. This stuffed alligator. He had these cool teeth that were plastic and kind of fun. He lived in the 2nd drawer of my dresser. So today I have Ganesh. The blue eyed elephant. He goes with me everywhere. Even Julie knows to leave him along. Interesting how we … fill our needs.

On a different note, the feelings and emotions of being abandoned are intense. They are very intertwined with the basic needs of being loved and accepted. Feeling safe. Being left behind can bring with it self-doubt, self-judgement and That stupid and oh so destructive belief (lie)

“I am not enough”

“I am not good enough”

“I don’t deserve”

I’m an engineer and a tri coach, not a therapist with all the smart brainiac words. You get the meaning, and if you’ve experienced a parent leaving or a spouse or or or …. you know what I’m talking about. Our brains do this crazy thing of trying to make sense of things that don’t make sense. A parent leaving a child. That is not what is suppose to happen, there needs to be some sort of reason right?!

Zip forward a couple of years, 10 years, 20 years … and look where we find all the pieces of ourselves. Flavored by so many lies and bullshit beliefs what the inner self can’t seem to get in a word edgewise.

Oh the things that one puts up with, does not adult well … because of these beliefs (lies).

I’m not blaming anyone. Shit happens. People make mistakes. (I do not buy into “the person was doing the best they could at the time”. I find this a big fat f’in copout. Sometimes people puss out and take the easy way out. Sorry. Not sorry).

It’s unfortunate that our “health care” (“human being care”) system (or lack of one) doesn’t deal with this part well. Lives and careers, families and suicides … all flavored by this. Big fat stupid important stuff and we are doing a shitting job at healing our hearts. I have PLETHORA to say about this but I get off track.

So at 30 or 35 or 40 something, or sooner if you’re lucky, you become aware that … you are so much more. And hopefully you get a tiny taste of the possibility of turning inward, that you ARE NOT actually those beliefs.

YOU ARE AWESOME

and maybe

YOU ARE A BADASS

You know what’s the most BADASS. A mom and dad creating a human being and rocking that sh$t out. Shepherding a tiny human being into being a brilliant and loving human adult. THAT is BA. I had the privilege teaching two littles how to read. That’s BA. Again. I digress. Back to the point. You get a breath of the truth, just one is all you need … YOU ARE A BADASS.

So you get to work on healing the heart. And it’s tough stuff. You might meditate to get control of the emotion terrets. You might even think for a moment that you need to stop saying the f word. You might think you really need to change who you are.

And then you hopefully get to the point where you know that, yes, shit might have been F$CKTASTIC but there is no point in blaming others anymore. You can forgive. I don’t think forgetting is necessary as you ARE suppose to be wiser and that doesn’t mean sitting your head in the sand. It means learning and not repeating the mistakes over and over. EVOLVING. If you forgive, the forgetting part really doesn’t matter, as you aren’t hanging that victim bullshit on it. It’s just another artful paint stroke of the YOU canvas. You don’t have to forget to get back to whole and healed.

YOU ARE ALREADY WHOLE

You just need to drop some of what you picked up to help you get through the bad patch.

You become strong enough to be open and love like you were created to do. People leaving and doing hurtful things IS NOT about you. It’s about them. Their lessons. You have your own. Be wise to know the difference.

I left my duck friends in the care of the earth. As it should be. They will return to nurture the earth, trees and other animals. As it should be. I leave thoughts of my alligator there as well, placing more of my heart in Faith and belief that I’m just completely fucking (autocorrected to ducking) FINE.

Because maybe this nagging lie that I’m broken is total bullshit. #nmf

YOU ARE AWESOME!
bonnie-sig

Get weekly email nuggets of awesomeness! You'll LOVE the info!

  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

Check Also

I can’t find any of my ducks

I have a lot on my plate. Who doesn't? At the beginning of this year I threw down some big personally goals, most of those dealing with more emotional intelligence sprinkled with a ton of soul healing sprinkles. So I'm trying to get my ducks in a row enough to minimize the cray cray that my people around need need to deal with and helpfully for me to be able to have enough clear discernment to do this reasonable well. Not too much to ask right!?!?! Well ... I have some pretty decent sized soft spots that I'm wanting/asking/need to work on. Blah blah blah. You know the places in the soul that go with childhood trauma and drama, relationships that turned out to be like crashing airplanes and ... blah blah blah. So I'm focusing on rounding up and herding these ducks.

I'm a good enough duck.

I'm a safe duck.

I can do EPCI SHIT duck.

Not all the ducks in my space are MY DUCKS and I don't need to let them jerk my ducks around.

This duck herding business tho, it's been pretty intense because what I'm finding out is that ... I'm needing to learn how to deal with other peoples ducks. Like some people just let their darn ducks get into my pasture and mislead, confused and another wise brain wash my my ducks. And off they go. Or ... I have these ducks in my pasture that aren't my ducks and I adopt them. Like I have time and energy for that. It just gets so confusing. Historically I have talking/vented/blah blah blah with my person on this stuff. And while that is good. I would like to develop a better habit of dealing with the duck cluster thing. Who's ducks are whose. And which duck do I need to herd first. Meditation. Yep. I haven't been doing enough and I need to but honestly ... I need something a little more concrete and tangible right now. So Becky and I were chatting, I need to write the ducks down. And this is the ONE time that auto correct gets it right. From fuck to duck. Prefect! Hahahahaha.

🤭🤗🤣🤣🤣👊🏻

So in my journal where I keep all things that I want to manifest the heck out of, aka the super women journal that enables me to do EPIC SHIT ... I'm going to work on a section labeled "Ducks". I am already in love with the idea, as me and my 5 other personalities can write stuff down, work through it and everyone can contribute words to help work through things. AND I can practice ...

FAITH

PATIENCE

WISDOM

... In dealing with the duck that has gotten itself too far away from the herd. Or whatever a group of ducks is. I really love this idea as I struggle with not dealing with something, that makes me feel bad, not let a problem go. Like I'm not standing up for my feelings, values and what not. But also I like this idea because I LOVE LOVE LOVE when i manage to let magic come into the picture and take care of STUFF for me. BOOM. And this magic journal that I have. This is the place for it to happen.

🌸Personal growth. Being brave. Honest. Persistency moving forward. Adapting. 💫

🔥🔥🔥Adjusting Fire🔥🔥🔥

❤️Hopefully with less road rash for myself and those special people around me that matter most.❤️

One comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

64 + = 71