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Personal Growth

Abandonment and a Journey Up the Mountain

Yesterday I felt driven, required, inspired to drive a pitfall that had been abandoned to a foster family many hours away.  I have always had this special place in my heart for things that needed rescued.  

A bit of back story, I signed up for a 70.3 in Des Moines, Iowa to inspire, force, drive myself to finish up some work that I have been  doing in the area of inner child healing, letting go, truly moving on.  We can talk about that later.

I let my mind explore why I was driven to help these dogs and I wanted to share with others the work that I viewed as difficult and life changing.  Using the service of helping dogs, which seems to be easier work than driving to a therapist weakly, to heal the heart.  After all, isn’t that what God tells us to do and perhaps why. Heal our souls through the work of helping other.  Being humble and practicing humanity.

Though a lot of thought that was mostly given to me, as during the trip I had decided to be super receptive to whatever thoughts and feelings were coming, and sharing back to the universe ... it was a very raw real and from the heart process.  Which I feel gifted me with the next awesome step in my evolution to healing my soul and becoming the next best version of myself.  

Yes.  I had forgiven my parents for all the things.  However, it was very clear that I had not really dealt with my abandonment issues.  Which at the VERY present time are really causing some other issues in areas of my life that were causing my grief and suffering. 

I did some following of my heart.  It makes me smile to see how the hours and days have progress.  Who I have reached out too. What they have said. And how through all of this, I found my next work.  

I like work.  I like to know that if I see a problem, I have some means of working on it.  It makes me feel incredibly powerless, stressed and all sorts of anxious feelings to know that something is wrong, really wrong, and I can’t get a handle on it.  I’m thankful that God told me.  Amazing.

Discovering that I really need to work on my fear of abandonment, which is causing some real in your face anxiety, is so empowering that I’m pretty darn pumped.  To know the issue means that I can find a solution.  The first link that I read was such an eye opening that it has instantly changed how I feel about myself and all the things I’m working on at the moment.  I feel in control again, empowered and that I can find a solution.  I do not feel lost anymore.    

https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/abandonment-issues

Then I continued with searching and found some articles and resources and ended up finding a program, a series of books with some online resources to start with.  I feel great. Hopeful.

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Mind Body Transformation Program

❓❓❓Are you batting yourself and making the same freaking resolutions every year? Fighting to get to race weight but nothing seems to work? Struggling to stay on track even with big goals ahead of you?

If so then it is time to clear the path and find the way to your badass self! 💥🌟❤️

Join us for either a 3 or 6 month program designed to set you up for success in 2020.

NO waiting for January, we are starting NOW.
SIGN UP TO GET THE DEETS
https://mailchi.mp/611d3964967c/mbt2019

Lace up those boots and get ready to rock because in the MBT Program you will:
✅ Reset your mindset to align with your goals, get outta your own way!
✅ Develop your mental grit
✅Kick your bad habits to the curb
✅Drop the freaking weight
✅Get strong AF in your mind and body
✅All so that you will be ready to hit the ground running in 2020.

What you get (3 month/6 month):
-Guidance and support from two kick butt wellness warriors (Valued at $600/$1200)
-Access to a private closed Facebook group for support and -accountability (and fun!)
-Access to guest speakers where we will discuss the real real - forgiveness, mental health, why women are freaking superheroes, disordered eating and so much more. (Priceless!)
-A full scripted workbook to guide you through your mental reset (valued at $75)
-Body work (yoga /strength) and nutritional support (recipes, food guides and healthy eating resources) to help support your Transformation (valued at $300/$600)

We want to make this program as impactful and accessible as possible - so we are opening the doors NOW for early bird special pricing!

Register by *September 30th* for early access to the FB group, materials, and some bonus prep time with Coach BK and Jenniferlyn!

SIGN UP TO GET THE DEETS
https://mailchi.mp/611d3964967c/mbt2019

We are also offering a PLUS version of both programs including a fully printed and bound version of the workbook mailed to you, and a monthly PRIVATE Breathe Through to Break Through call with the coaches to check in on your specific progress.

MBT Program:
3 month Early bird $75 by September 30th / $97 until October 14th
6 Month Early Bird $145 by September 30th / 180 until October 14th

MBT Program Plus (printed workbook mailed to you and monthly 1 on 1 coaching with BK and Jenniferlyn):
3 months Early Bird by September 30th $125/ $150 until October 14th
6 Months Early Bird by September 30th $275/ $275 until October 14th

SIGN UP TO GET THE DEETS
https://mailchi.mp/611d3964967c/mbt2019

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Time to cut the crap and prioritize my goals and dreams

This summer sure has been a lot. We had a busy race schedule. D had a lot of military commitments to accomplish. The boys decided to shift from homeschooling to brick and mortar school. Some personal issues that are lingering. The experience of the Madison 70.3 drownings. My own race at Ohio 70.3. The experience of the bikers death on course during Ohio. I decided to take on healing abuse and rape from my past head on. These last couple of months had been a lot. I think I've adulted fairly well. Though admitted I did pack on 15 pounds and drank a bit too much there for a bit. Here I am. Coming out of much of that stuff. Stronger. More wise. I totally want a big fat gold star for holding my own and not stabbing anyone. ⭐️⭐️⭐️ ❤️❤️❤️I'm thankful that I signed up for Ironman Texas prior to all of that. ❤️❤️❤️ I like to use a big race to rationalize buying a new 💥Plum Papers journal💥 and working on something big. Big like Ironman. But this time around, big like being a better human being and with less of an injured soul. I've come to learn that only YOU can accomplish that. Once you are ready. We bounce from thing to thing, trying to find a comfortable place to learn our lessons. When in reality ... we just need to stop. Do it. Work. Know it will be hard. And have faith on the other side things will be ok. So the $$ I dropped down for IMTX and that darn $50 journal has been the key factor in my continuing to move forward in the path I'm on now. I usually bale and go find a different road. Missing the lesson. Coach John and D were talking the other day. And I was looking at Johns countdown numbers that he updates. DAILY. I started thinking ... wow, that's dedication. And a great tool to help him keep the eye on the prize. #gysd THEN ... I was like ... HOLY SHIT BK ... You have no idea how many days to IMTX. And I started doing math in my head. And I started with a quick summary of my paces at the moment and what I want at Tx. And I walked out of his pain cave with a new resolve. While adulting is critical. Handling your shit is important. So is prioritizing your goals and dreams. SQUIRREL MOMENT .... Someone said to me a while back ... not your monkeys not your circus, when I was looking for support for my things going on. And that really pissed me off (and I stopped going that way for support) because I didn't want to abandon my boys to handle life on their own. Or take the avenue of counseling and what not when I know there are things I can do and offer. And I didn't want to end certain relationships because of things and the non clarity of what's going on. 🐒🐿🐵🐿🥜 So I need to find the balance of taking care of some of this big stuff on my plate but I also need to make sure that I am prioritizing my goals and dreams. 💥 13:50 Ironman Texas 💥 Happiest kids on the block 💥 Brilliant marriage 💥 Guide Brave Soul and the Wolfpack to the next level So ... in conclusion ... let's wrap this up!! ✅ I need to stop sleeping to much being in a mini potty party. And I need to eat with excellence so I can help the body recover from the copious amounts of stress that has resulted in the need for more sleep. ✅ I need to hold better boundaries with those around me. Hold them to doing what they can for themselves more. ✅ Do that first thing better so my anxiety and general sense of upheaval lessens. So I can communicate more effectively. ✅ GYSD ✅ HONOR my beings need for self care and prioritize that as well. https://youtu.be/3bGAZbb1BfQ

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When dogs help to heal your soul

❤️❤️❤️ SOULS CAN HEAL HEARTS CAN HEAL EVERYTHING ❤️❤️❤️ I use to believe that I was unworthy. I use to believe I wasn’t good enough. I use to think I was broken. I use to believe that I would always have a dark space in my soul. I use to think the fighter in me was a bad part and needed to go away. Triathon. And Ironman specifically. And that damn non-existence mass start very especially. And dogs. And my D. Have taught me that EVERYTHING can heal. I’ve learned that I can heal from a near drowning as a child, spritzed up w a crappy childhood. D and these dogs and a couple other GEMS of people are helping me to heal some other parts. Freaking badassery is happening. Does it feel good. Nope. But I’m happy and doing it. My dog Julie Rogue Boxer is leading the way. D helps her a lot too. She loves the heck out of him. She was a disaster tho. When I first got her. Anger. Abused. Hurt. Broken jaw. She would attack everything. And she continues her journey w letting go of her severe dog aggression. She follows my lead anymore. Her and I are bonded. So if I keep my shit together. She does too. And visa Versa. This moment meant the world to me today. ❤️🐺👊🏻 #graceandgrit #wolfpackstrong #nevergiveup #handleyourshit #gysd #nmf #havefaithinhealing

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BEING A MOM IS A BRAVE JOB FOR WARRIORS OF LOVE

Being a mom is one of the bravest jobs. You start out pregnant (or adopting) and ... you kind of can be in denial for a bit until your belly grows and you have to start buying stuff you don't know how to put together.

You quickly learn that you really don't have a clue what you are doing. So you need to get brave real quick. Learn. Ask questions and hopefully work to get some sort of footing under you.

Giving birth is ... a challenge. It can be one of the most beautiful things but it can be the most scary as well.

You can experience losing babies, things going bad, loss, grief. And in the face of that, some try again and again. Being brave.

You might have had a great mom and childhood. Or you might have not. Not to make one worse than the other, but seriously, that book ... what to expect when you are expecting ... it's about 30% of what you really need to know. When you've come from less, being handed that infant to love, take care of, not break or otherwise .... whatever ... it's a rather large tasks that is way FREAKING OVERWHELMING.

But as a mom ... if you can get 3 moments or so of ... beauty ... it is all ok. The hours of crying melt away when you get that moment of peace with a cheek on your breast, or a naked foot peeking out from under the covers.

They grow up. You grow up. You learn. They learn. Hopefully things go well.

Some moms have to learn more and do more. They have been given the children that need more. The book gives zero help on this stuff. This is where you have to be brave brave. Especially if you don't have help or feel like what is around you isn't helping and doesn't align with you as a parent. Like when your child has learning issues or other ... specialness.

Momming is super hard.

Moms leave. Moms die. Moms aren't there. And sometimes, the child is left to learn on their own. And to become a mom of their own design. Scary stuff.

It is a hard lesson to learn that their spiritual and personal growth isn't always up to you.

Being a good mom is important to you. You are your own worst critic. As you want so much good for your babies. You want to do it "RIGHT". Making mistakes is tough ... as you wonder if it will mess up their leaves.

Sometimes it's with your mistakes that they learn from. And it is super hard to watch your children makes mistakes. It's hard to leave enough room to allow them to make mistakes.

So moms go into this thing with bravery. And the desire to do the best that they can. It is so tough to have part of your heart and soul out wandering around the world. The world that is a tough place and getting tougher.

Be brave. Do the best you can. LOVE HARD.

(people ... tell your mom they are awesome!)

BEING A MOM IS A BRAVE JOB FOR WARRIORS OF LOVE

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What Ironman Triathlon Did for my life

I was chatting with a fellow Ironman Triathlete about coaching earlier this morning and we were having a little chuckle about how your perspective changes after a season or two of ironman. You get to a place where you have a ton of mental Grit to get done (and do it well) just about anything you set your mind to. And just a ton of other wonderful things that happen. Let's looking at this awesome list. Mental Grit: There is something that happens when you push yourself past self imposed limitations, over and over, and learn that yes there are limits, but usually we stop way before those. I was really gifted with this two times, once in my first IM in Wisconsin during the swim portion. I had almost drowned as a child so getting to the point of being able to do the swim well without freaking the heck out was a ton of mental grit, through the whole season and race day. It's was one of my most beautiful life moments. The other was doing the very best that I could at IMTX in 2018, where during the run it was a full moon, I was praying, and running. Running when I didn't want to. Running when everyone else was walking. Running to chase down a time that I knew I wouldn't get, but doing the best I could anyway. Heal your soul: When you allow yourself get stripped down during ironman season ... you see things about yourself that don't serve you anymore. Things that you know need to evolve in order to get the astronomical task done. If you're brave enough to face your demons and help them to heal ... your soul heals. You evolve into that next best version of yourself. And it's so much quicker than a lot of personal growth challenges. The feedback is pretty immediate. Kinda like pixie dust if you go the chops to look at it like that. A story from my life, I almost drowned when I was little. And that was surrounded by ample amounts of childhood trauma. So the swim anxiety that I experienced during swim was of the extreme nature. Through a series of hard experiences, many failures, techniques, not giving up and a whole bunch more ... I managed to move past fake it until you make it, to healing my heart. It was such a wonderful experience to complete my first ironman swim, Wisconsin Mass Swim start, probably one of the best experiences to be had, with no anxiety. That is the first time that I really grasped that I could move past my childhood issues. That I didn't have to live a life of dealing with my crazy. Some of it I could transform into a healed cornerstone of strength. Strong Body: If you are doing the training right, your body goes through a series of evolutions where you heal through injuries. If you have the help that you need, you end up cultivating a body that is more sound and balanced. You are left with a body that is epically strong, the mind is a metric f ton stronger and you feel invincible. You might still be a little fluffy and imperfect, but that's really not the point. Confidence: You have achieved something most people wouldn't do. You've done something that you thought you couldn't. You know how to approach fear and challenges and come out on top. AND .... sometimes those things roll downhill and affect your friends, family and maybe even the little people. #thelittlesarealwayswatching Training for something very difficult can be very rewarding. It can be very hard and I have seen where people don't make it. They turn and go another direction. And thats ok. You have to be READY to take on that challenge. Not feel like you are ready. Not think that you are ready. It's a little secret that your soul shares with you, drives you forward. When you are doing something and you think to yourself ... why the heck did I think this was a good idea, but somewhere in a secret place in your heart, a voice says to keep going. That READY. If you aren't ready for the difficulties, that just means you have other work to do to get ready. And that doesn't mean that attempting an ironman isn't where you do the "get ready" part. There is nothing that says that everyone will complete their mission the first time out. In fact, on paper that is just silliness. Most people that accomplish big A things fall on their face the first time. GRACE AND GRIT: Thats what I think triathlon and ironman really gifts you with. Hopefully we all learn that we are all very capable. We are all enough. We are all FREAKING badassly awesome and we don't have anything to prove. These hard things are just to help us learn and grow. Not prove a damn thing. Doesn't matter if you are overweight and doing ironman. Or a pro athlete finishing first. We are all wonderful human beings that have a voice, have a story and need to SHINE our love and gifts out to the world. This is what I think ironman helps us learn how to do. At an Ironman. At life. As a parent. Spouse. Friend. This is why I tell my athletes .... train train train for the best damn finisher picture you can. This attitude is the sum total of this. To let your heart and soul shine when you FINISH your goal. When you ACCOMPLISH what you set out to do. You will look back and see that on the inside ... you are soo beautiful and strong. You are enough. And you're badass. ;) <3

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Growth in the Quiet Times

Here is fall!  Soon winter will be upon us.  Such a wonderful time of year.  Time of reflection on your improvements, wins, celebrations and other most excellent stuff that happened.  AND interestingly enough ... more time of change.  Under the surface. The spring and summer are times of growth.  Green leaves, flowers and new branches.  With FALL and winter ... we have a time that we move slower, conserve energy and change things up.  It does not mean that we do "less important work".  We think about investing, working on foundation pieces, changing things that we like would like to see different.  We do this so when ACTION time comes again in the spring and fall, things are a bit different than previous. Growth. Trees go through a similar process.  They lose their leaves in the fall and winter.  Doesn't make them less of a tree.  Or not as strong of a tree.  Sometimes branches break off.  Sometimes the weight of the snow helps to facilitate change.  A needed process as sometimes the branches that needed to go, maybe they are a bit weak.   In this way ... the tree isn't utilizing vital energy keeping alive a piece that isn't really helping anymore.  Helping the "big picture".  Pruning. Shedding.  It can be a painful process ... but much needed. And another thought to throw out. This branch. The one that is "weak" ... "broken" ... "no longer needed" ... could be VITAL the the survival of other pieces of the puzzle.  This branch can fall and provide a home for creatures living on the forest floor.  So the "weak" branch really isn't of less importance ... it's use has shifted to somewhere else.  The tree isn't served by struggling to keep the branch alive.  Yet sometimes the tree can't get rid of the branch itself ... Such as life ... sometimes the challenges that we have "inspire" changes (or really stronger encourage or MAKE HAPPEN).  The weak branch, once a strong branch, now having served it purpose or withstood some challenge, moves on to a different purpose.   Our challenges are like the snow, helping us to "let go" of the branch.  Hopefully in an objective, namaste kind of way. Not that the branch no longer serves us, though this is true, hopefully in a shedding process were we knowledge that what we are needing to get rid of will be used elsewhere. Energy is neither created or destroyed.  Just changes.  Thanks Newton. Thanks Thermodynamics. The process can be lonely.  The process can seem tough and overwhelming.  Seriously, it's cold and quiet.  We don't hear a lot of the birds.  We miss the green color and the fresh smell.  However this is what encourages the roots to reach deeper.  To make the tree stronger.  To shed the old, no longer needed to make room for new and different.   Getting through these times of change and growth can be rough.  New.  It's kind of easy to fall back to old thought patterns, behaviors.  It's normal to feel like you are going crazy a wee tiny bit.  It's normal to feel uncomfortable.  The thing to focus on is your faith, trust and keeping your eye on the prize.  To keep moving forward, one step at a time ... because we all know that it gets harder (hardest) at the very end.  Like with ironman, those last couple miles are brutal, but the break through at the end is completely worth it. So, are we talking about the ...

  • ATHLETE:  Do you need to drop weight. Get rid of an injury.  Get your mind right.
  • MOM:  Adjust your relationship with your kids, be less friend and mom and more boss.  Or be less busy so you can listen more and role model more of what you want to see.
  • WIFE:  let go of past stuff to provide space for new chances, new "stuff"
  • HUMAN:  let go of past stuff to make room for new.  Let go of "not good enough" so you can dream bigger.  Be less focused on yourself and "SEE" other people, be of more service, smile more, hold more doors open
  • the list goes on and on ...
 

Keep your eyes up

Hearts open  

Trust  

Have Faith

Keep moving forward

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Triathlon Life Balance Training Journal with Plum Paper

Self - Family - Life - Work - Training

Ironman (aka LIFE!!!) Training Journal ... because it's a big darn deal and you need to have your mind right!!!! PlumPaper.com really has it going on with creating a journal that is just perfect for you. Mainly because you can customize it to help you BALANCE your #trilife You can add all these different aspects of life:
 Swim / Bike / Run  Yoga / Strength / Chill  Eating / Resting  Priorities  Focus  Daily Gratitude List  Habit tracker  Focus areas  Task List It's just freaking awesome. I created a mini video to show you how. Which is just the tip of the ice berg on what you can do!!! If you want a DISCOUNT code ... message below and I can email you and save you $10. Which is about 25%. COMMENT BELOW!!!! This journal really is very useful ... even if you're not HIM or IM training. I just made one that is more ... life balancing and such. The exercise portion was minimal in my 2nd one!

BALANCE

https://youtu.be/8ejiJQ86QSg EMAIL ME if you'd like a discount code!  BraveSoulCoaching@gmail.com ORRRR!!! If you'd like to do a free athlete health assessment, lets do that and I'll email you the code along with all the recommendations. www.bonniekissinger.com/aha

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Be your own boss, like a boss, or you will be bossed around

Today’s blog is brought to you by my attempt at balancing building my own business, working for someone else and putting food in my kids mouth. (And paying for heart surgeries). Admittedly I don’t take being bossed around well. I don’t know if it’s me and my personality or that I just don’t deal well with crappy bosses. Maybe a combo. I do think that I do ok with folks telling me what to do. I don’t think I do well when I don’t have room to do things with excellence , if thats outside of their status quo / expectations. Certainly if what they want me to do goes against my ethics. That’s a real big rub. One of the main reasons for the beginning of the end of my 9-5 engineering gig. I know that in the past I would take things personal and all that. Now ... I think I just don’t do well with disrespect and lack of adulting ability. Definitely tho ... I have work to do. Roger that. Today, with some work related drama in the background ... I think about the fact that I haven’t been the best boss to myself. - I for sure in the past haven’t given myself enough praise - I might not give myself enough grace in recognizing that making changes is hard and needs more of the above to help facilitate a perm change - Definitely too critical and default to being to hard on myself - I tend to not honor the boundaries that I set for myself and others - I am not the best at being consistent but I am getting better at this AT this sentence I think a big fat pause is needed in this conversation! PAUSE!!! Let’s take a second to look at terms and maybe open up to different thoughts in this area. BOSS = ?? When we say boss ... what does your mind say to you? What filter do you automatically put in place. “Person in charge”.  Your thought: oh, I need to behave differently. Your thoughts ... LEADER= ?? PARTNER= ?? MENTOR= ?? Anyway. The point is .... how do you really view the person that is “above” you. In that place of guidance and leadership. I believe that the person is suppose to be teaching you a lesson. That the catch 22 is that maybe it’s the terrible “boss” that is suppose to be teaching you the lesson. Funny how karma makes things so zesty and fun to figure out. POINT IS ... Are you being a good leader to yourself? Are you inspiring yourself to work differently to improve and reach towards your next goals. Is your job “boss” inspiring the same? Do your principles align with theirs? So many hard questions. Let’s pull this point into a convo that you have a lot of control on. Influence. YOU BEING YOUR OWN EXCELLENT BOSS. Even if you have to go to a J O B, you can still be your own boss. Leader. Inspire-er of all this epic and awesome. 1. KNOW WHO YOU ARE What you stand for. This is the make it or break it. You know (mindful) of who you really are, or hold the one with the boundaries that honor that. The ship sinks. This is why Franklin Covey in the planners starts out with your principles. (Truth needs to be present here. The deep down, who you are. Not ... “good mom” or whatever. YOU. Deep down. The stuff on your tombstone. for me .... I am a person that says the truth. “Satya”. So if I have to tell an untruth or be in the gray area, this is a big fat rub for me personally, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. 2. BUILD TRUST So considering that you know who you are and what you stand for. Build trust with yourself by honoring your ethics and beliefs. AND.... When you say you are going to do something. Do it. For your own trust with yourself. As well as having others trust you. for me .... I like to help others, a lot. I probably tend to sway that side more (maybe to fill my “acceptable account”) than compared to my “truth account”. So I will allow others to cross a boundary or two because I am “helping” them, at the cost of my own ethics, and not speaking my truth. Honoring who I am. As a result, I lose trust in myself, in a deep down sense. So my action step, in knowing who I AM, appropriately communicating boundaries with myself (or others) and HOLD THE LINE. In as pleasant a way as possible. Not being afraid to step on toes, don’t shy away in an attempt to fill the “acceptance account”. Go to flipping sleep at 10 or 10:30, BK! Do it. Stop jacking around with that bed time/boundary. 3. PRAISE PRAISE PRAISE It is so hard, but we really need to get into a better mental and emotional habit of defaulting to praise vs criticism or even constructive feedback. And praise ourselves. Praise others. FIRST. Focus on what is working. Not what needs fixed. You might be wrong about the issue, or just completely full of feces. Positivity. Focus on what’s working and is always the way to go. for me .... Reward myself. Quiet time in the bath. Coffee outside watching the birds. Little sticky notes that say “good job BK, you rocked that!”  (and not internalize other's judgments on my actions) 4. INSPIRE I have a favor saying. #thelittlesarewatcing A parenting truth. Your children do what you do. Not what you say. And if you constantly say something differently then they do .... OMG. The problems that ensue. Zero trust. They might actively do the opposite of what you want to express the face that you might be full of feces. INSPIRE = fill someone with the urge or ability to do or feel something, especially to do something creative. If #1, #2 and #3 are done well, this one naturally happens. Especially if you are thinking about how that person (or you ) think, learn, express themselves and feel .... you will be a rockstar in connecting and just rocking your jam. Inspiring others is a fully thing. It comes for you doing YOU EXCELLENTLY, giving all your heart and soul. Those that need to see that and experience it will be placed right in front of you. BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE (even if it is totally opposite what’s manifesting at that point in time) for me.... I need to fill my life with people that are inspiring me. Simple as that. Read inspiring things. Watch inspiring things. Fill my soul with what’s inspiration. 5. CONSTRUCTIVE OBSERVATIONS Communicating feedback is so important. Your relationship with yourself, with others and etc is a two way street. That is a truth. It completely maps up with that smartie Isaac Newton and his equal and opposite reaction law. You do something. There will be an affect. Feedback in and of itself isn’t good or bad. Positive or negative. Getting into the habit of giving positive feedback can be hard as we are a society that LOVES to take all the credit, not give credit to others and also to be obsessed with the negative. What’s not working.  Or how I'm so awesome and did this all myself, as help is construed as negative.  "I couldn't do it myself." This positive feedback is the foundation of everything. Good parenting. Good dog training. Good coaching. Good relationship. Good self management. On the opposite side of the coin, expressing the other feedback is equally important. (Truth, sometimes the lessons come the hard and uncomfortable way. Or most of the time). We just usually suck at it or shy away from conflict because others suck at it ... or we are delusional and think we are always right. We aren’t all that good at looking it the mirror ... in an objective and constructive (loving) way. Constructive observation instead of criticism. If you do this and the panties get in a wad, you know that the issue isn’t (usually) with what you said or what not, but more in the person in front of you. If that happens to be you ... then you need to have a reality check with your competing behaviors. And as my coach says to me all the time, “get your mind right Kissinger”. for me.... I need to journal daily to communicate with myself. See what I’ve been doing well. What I can work on. Where my bullshit is at (Roger that!) Use the journalling platform to be the best boss of mine that I can be. CAN I GET A HELL YEAH!?!? ;) Final thoughts. STOP FREAKING BULLYING YOURSELF. Be a good boss. A leader to yourself. Not a jerk face. Do not be afraid to fire people. ;). Maybe they need a different job. Do that and the others around you will probably naturally follow suit. Or things will get cleaned up. Either way. Winner winner chicken dinner.

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The Dash in the Middle Matters

We talk about goals. I want to do this. I want to do that. I want to lose weight. I want to do a marathon. I want to be a better mom and human being. I want to fix the anxiety. We set goals. We have these big things that we want to do. We can get really wrapped up in that the end looks like. When we begin ... most of the time we already have set the expectation of what success looks like. And it is usually borrowed from somewhere/someone else .... We might become very rigid in what that looks like.  Become very attached to "creating" that exact thing or how we perceive it to "look".  Like... my 401K needs to have this amount of money it in because that is the only way I'm going to have security when I'm older.  Or .... my kid has to turn out to gotten all good grades and went through college and got a good job and a good marriage in order for me to check mark that I was a good parent.  Or ... I have to hit my marathon goal to prove that I am a good enough athlete, that I'm not slow and pathetic".  I think that some amount of that is important. To hold the line. (I don’t believe in everyone gets a participation ribbon, sometimes the line needs to be far enough that some fail. So the lessons are learned). Goals are GREAT. But the truth is that everything is changing all the time.  Facts of science. And it’s just common sense that if that is true, hahaha, which it is, then the end picture if you will, has a high likelihood of looking different than what you envisioned when you started.  You almost want to really embrace this because it means (proves) that you did change.  Because we want to change.  If the goal is big enough, and heart felt ones always are ... you have to be different in order to accomplish it.  Thats growth.  You are either growing or you are dying.  (THE DASH)  We need to learn how to be flexible with those changes so we roll with the slight adjustments along the way. That is where faith comes in. Faith that when you GET ON THE ROAD, and work your ass of to go down the road, hopefully faster than slower, you don’t freak the heck out on the slight detours that might just gift you with most awesome stuff .... That lack of faith or freaking out at the detours can very well cause you to cheat yourself out of something glorious or the whole flipping goal. DO NOT FREAK OUT HAVE FAITH (plus be brave, look at what’s in front of you, pick up what you need, use the darn thing, and continue forward) I do believe that all our goals, if we look close enough, have ties to our heart. “I want to lose this stupid 20 pounds!”. DEEP down I believe this stems from the #heartgoal of wanting to develop better self love activities, take better care of ourselves, love ourselves more, do the right things, etc. I do not believe that we REALLY want or are designed to drink our life away, or play small all the time or live a boring ass life that doesn't make a dent anywhere.  (A positive dent thank you very much!)  Yeah, a lot will get hung up on fitting in the cute jeans, tri shorts, etc .... but I do truly believe that underneath that is the TRUE DESIRE to love ourselves more so we see (outwardly shine) a more attractive version of ourselves. It is the visual feedback that we accomplished the REAL CHANGE we wanted,  the self love habits accomplished. It’s the journey that matters. We begin. And we end. We start out gloriously perfect. We ALWAYS have the part of ourselves that is gloriously perfect and bright (we just cover it up). And we will always die. What you can influence with the “dash”. What you do in the middle is what matters. Did you take the detour and help a stranger, perhaps save a life and grace yourself a bit too ... or did you freak the f out and make life harder on yourself and those around you? THE DASH MATTERS. What you do with the dash is what brightens life. What graces others. What dictates not the end number or the end goal, but how big of a smile there was.  What gets WRITTEN ON YOUR TOMBSTONE is the dent you make.  What do you want written on yours? This is why I tell my athletes, GET THE BEST RACE PICTURE EVER! It represents all the blood, sweat and tears that it took to get there. It represents the DASH! The Journey. Doesn’t matter if you got on the podium or were dead last. THE DASH MATTERS  

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