Being a mom is one of the bravest jobs. You start out pregnant (or adopting) and ... you kind of can be in denial for a bit until your belly grows and you have to start buying stuff you don't know how to put together.
You quickly learn that you really don't have a clue what you are doing. So you need to get brave real quick. Learn. Ask questions and hopefully work to get some sort of footing under you.
Giving birth is ... a challenge. It can be one of the most beautiful things but it can be the most scary as well.
You can experience losing babies, things going bad, loss, grief. And in the face of that, some try again and again. Being brave.
You might have had a great mom and childhood. Or you might have not. Not to make one worse than the other, but seriously, that book ... what to expect when you are expecting ... it's about 30% of what you really need to know. When you've come from less, being handed that infant to love, take care of, not break or otherwise .... whatever ... it's a rather large tasks that is way FREAKING OVERWHELMING.
But as a mom ... if you can get 3 moments or so of ... beauty ... it is all ok. The hours of crying melt away when you get that moment of peace with a cheek on your breast, or a naked foot peeking out from under the covers.
They grow up. You grow up. You learn. They learn. Hopefully things go well.
Some moms have to learn more and do more. They have been given the children that need more. The book gives zero help on this stuff. This is where you have to be brave brave. Especially if you don't have help or feel like what is around you isn't helping and doesn't align with you as a parent. Like when your child has learning issues or other ... specialness.
Momming is super hard.
Moms leave. Moms die. Moms aren't there. And sometimes, the child is left to learn on their own. And to become a mom of their own design. Scary stuff.
It is a hard lesson to learn that their spiritual and personal growth isn't always up to you.
Being a good mom is important to you. You are your own worst critic. As you want so much good for your babies. You want to do it "RIGHT". Making mistakes is tough ... as you wonder if it will mess up their leaves.
Sometimes it's with your mistakes that they learn from. And it is super hard to watch your children makes mistakes. It's hard to leave enough room to allow them to make mistakes.
So moms go into this thing with bravery. And the desire to do the best that they can. It is so tough to have part of your heart and soul out wandering around the world. The world that is a tough place and getting tougher.
I have a lot on my plate. Who doesn't? At the beginning of this year I threw down some big personally goals, most of those dealing with more emotional intelligence sprinkled with a ton of soul healing sprinkles.
So I'm trying to get my ducks in a row enough to minimize the cray cray that my people around need need to deal with and helpfully for me to be able to have enough clear discernment to do this reasonable well. Not too much to ask right!?!?!
Well ... I have some pretty decent sized soft spots that I'm wanting/asking/need to work on. Blah blah blah. You know the places in the soul that go with childhood trauma and drama, relationships that turned out to be like crashing airplanes and ... blah blah blah. So I'm focusing on rounding up and herding these ducks.
I'm a good enough duck.
I'm a safe duck.
I can do EPCI SHIT duck.
Not all the ducks in my space are MY DUCKS and I don't need to let them jerk my ducks around.
This duck herding business tho, it's been pretty intense because what I'm finding out is that ... I'm needing to learn how to deal with other peoples ducks. Like some people just let their darn ducks get into my pasture and mislead, confused and another wise brain wash my my ducks. And off they go. Or ... I have these ducks in my pasture that aren't my ducks and I adopt them. Like I have time and energy for that.
It just gets so confusing. Historically I have talking/vented/blah blah blah with my person on this stuff. And while that is good. I would like to develop a better habit of dealing with the duck cluster thing. Who's ducks are whose. And which duck do I need to herd first.
Meditation. Yep. I haven't been doing enough and I need to but honestly ... I need something a little more concrete and tangible right now.
So Becky and I were chatting, I need to write the ducks down. And this is the ONE time that auto correct gets it right. From fuck to duck. Prefect! Hahahahaha.
So in my journal where I keep all things that I want to manifest the heck out of, aka the super women journal that enables me to do EPIC SHIT ... I'm going to work on a section labeled "Ducks". I am already in love with the idea, as me and my 5 other personalities can write stuff down, work through it and everyone can contribute words to help work through things. AND I can practice ...
... In dealing with the duck that has gotten itself too far away from the herd. Or whatever a group of ducks is. I really love this idea as I struggle with not dealing with something, that makes me feel bad, not let a problem go. Like I'm not standing up for my feelings, values and what not. But also I like this idea because I LOVE LOVE LOVE when i manage to let magic come into the picture and take care of STUFF for me. BOOM. And this magic journal that I have. This is the place for it to happen.
🌸Personal growth. Being brave. Honest. Persistency moving forward. Adapting. 💫
❤️Hopefully with less road rash for myself and those special people around me that matter most.❤️
I was chatting with a fellow Ironman Triathlete about coaching earlier this morning and we were having a little chuckle about how your perspective changes after a season or two of ironman. You get to a place where you have a ton of mental Grit to get done (and do it well) just about anything you set your mind to. And just a ton of other wonderful things that happen. Let's looking at this awesome list.
Mental Grit: There is something that happens when you push yourself past self imposed limitations, over and over, and learn that yes there are limits, but usually we stop way before those. I was really gifted with this two times, once in my first IM in Wisconsin during the swim portion. I had almost drowned as a child so getting to the point of being able to do the swim well without freaking the heck out was a ton of mental grit, through the whole season and race day. It's was one of my most beautiful life moments. The other was doing the very best that I could at IMTX in 2018, where during the run it was a full moon, I was praying, and running. Running when I didn't want to. Running when everyone else was walking. Running to chase down a time that I knew I wouldn't get, but doing the best I could anyway.
Heal your soul: When you allow yourself get stripped down during ironman season ... you see things about yourself that don't serve you anymore. Things that you know need to evolve in order to get the astronomical task done. If you're brave enough to face your demons and help them to heal ... your soul heals. You evolve into that next best version of yourself. And it's so much quicker than a lot of personal growth challenges. The feedback is pretty immediate. Kinda like pixie dust if you go the chops to look at it like that.
A story from my life, I almost drowned when I was little. And that was surrounded by ample amounts of childhood trauma. So the swim anxiety that I experienced during swim was of the extreme nature. Through a series of hard experiences, many failures, techniques, not giving up and a whole bunch more ... I managed to move past fake it until you make it, to healing my heart. It was such a wonderful experience to complete my first ironman swim, Wisconsin Mass Swim start, probably one of the best experiences to be had, with no anxiety. That is the first time that I really grasped that I could move past my childhood issues. That I didn't have to live a life of dealing with my crazy. Some of it I could transform into a healed cornerstone of strength.
Strong Body: If you are doing the training right, your body goes through a series of evolutions where you heal through injuries. If you have the help that you need, you end up cultivating a body that is more sound and balanced. You are left with a body that is epically strong, the mind is a metric f ton stronger and you feel invincible. You might still be a little fluffy and imperfect, but that's really not the point.
Confidence: You have achieved something most people wouldn't do. You've done something that you thought you couldn't. You know how to approach fear and challenges and come out on top.
AND .... sometimes those things roll downhill and affect your friends, family and maybe even the little people.
Training for something very difficult can be very rewarding. It can be very hard and I have seen where people don't make it. They turn and go another direction. And thats ok. You have to be READY to take on that challenge. Not feel like you are ready. Not think that you are ready. It's a little secret that your soul shares with you, drives you forward. When you are doing something and you think to yourself ... why the heck did I think this was a good idea, but somewhere in a secret place in your heart, a voice says to keep going. That READY. If you aren't ready for the difficulties, that just means you have other work to do to get ready.
And that doesn't mean that attempting an ironman isn't where you do the "get ready" part. There is nothing that says that everyone will complete their mission the first time out. In fact, on paper that is just silliness. Most people that accomplish big A things fall on their face the first time.
GRACE AND GRIT: Thats what I think triathlon and ironman really gifts you with. Hopefully we all learn that we are all very capable. We are all enough. We are all FREAKING badassly awesome and we don't have anything to prove. These hard things are just to help us learn and grow. Not prove a damn thing. Doesn't matter if you are overweight and doing ironman. Or a pro athlete finishing first. We are all wonderful human beings that have a voice, have a story and need to SHINE our love and gifts out to the world. This is what I think ironman helps us learn how to do. At an Ironman. At life. As a parent. Spouse. Friend. This is why I tell my athletes .... train train train for the best damn finisher picture you can. This attitude is the sum total of this. To let your heart and soul shine when you FINISH your goal. When you ACCOMPLISH what you set out to do. You will look back and see that on the inside ... you are soo beautiful and strong. You are enough. And you're badass. ;) <3
Psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor, Viktor Frankl, once said, “Between stimulus and thought, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response.”
It has been shown that stress creates more wear and tear on the body when associated with negative thoughts, or if we don’t think we’re coping well with it. Reframing your stress can build your mental and physical resilience to the challenges in your life.
STRESS DOES THE FOLLOWING!!!!
1. Stress results in less secretion of digestive enzymes, causing the pH of the stomach to not be as low as what is optimal for good digestion.
2. Stress causes oxygen and blood are diverted from digestion to the brain and muscles/etc instead.
3. Allostatic load: the wear and tear on the body due to the physiological responses that accumulate with chronic stress.
What is STRESS??? Stress is any type of physical, mental, or emotional factor that causes tension in the body. This tension causes chemical, physical or behavioral changes. Stress, or the fight or flight response, is an evolutionary mechanism for survival of the species. It is innate to us, usually on autopilot, and very much needed. However, our lifestyle and society, has caused this system to get overworked and undertaken care of.
WORK stress, meetings, unhappiness on the job, constant deadlines, conflict
Exercise is stress. Endurance training is a lot of physical stress.
Stress is meant to be a short term solution to take care of an immediate need
Acute stress: short term stress. Normal. Perhaps what you feel right before a race. It gets you "READY". Causes the body to preform on an elevated and focused level. Enhance performance by helping you to "keep your eye on the prize".
Chronic stress: long term stress. Not normal or beneficial. Like caring for a dying parent.
Sympathetic Nervous System: Gas of the car
"fight or flight"
slows the movement of food, prepares for action
kick into gear, more energy
Parasympathetic Nervous System: Brakes of the car
"rest and digest"
controls digestion, sexual arousal, salivation, urination, and defecation
conserves energy for survival activities
Hypothalamus gland in the brain tells the pituitary to turn on certain hormones in the adrenal glands, such as cortisol. This activates the sympathetic nervous system. This increases your heart rate, increases the blood flow to muscles and the brain and affects your blood sugar. Blood sugar rises to provide fuel, providing glucose to be super available in the blood stream, via the liver breaking down sugar instead of sending bile to the gall bladder. Norepinephrine is also released. This hormone works to increase blood pressure, along with epinephrine. The adrenal glands make adrenaline. The body then prioritizes whats going on in the body. Smooth muscles contract, including the intestines. Blood is diverted from the blood vessels the the muscles and the brain. So you are able to have mental sharpness and do a quick escape. Not getting eaten by the tiger. Blood and digestive enzymes will decrease, as they aren't a priority at the moment.
After the initial "surge" from stress, if the stressor is still present the body then activates the HPA axis. Hypothalamus, Pituitary Adrenal axis. This hormonal system works to keep the body in a state to be able to continue to deal with the stressor by release other hormones, CRH, ACTH and cortisol.
Food intolerances/food allergies: Chemicals during stress the body releases chemicals such as Histamines which will intensify allergies.
Leaky gut: Mucosal barrier takes a hit during stress. Inflammation breaks down the barrier. Then a lot bunch of bad things happens. Absorption issues, blood flow is diverted away intestines . Allergies. Hormonal imbalances.
Elevated blood sugar: Cortisol prevents insulin, which puts glucose into cells. Too much sugar in the blood. Insulin resistance. Plus the sugar molecule is large. And hurts the endothelial lining.
Increased inflammation: anxiety, depression. This becomes a run away train.
An altered microbiome: Affects diversity of health bacteria. Diversity is part of health and wellness.
Increased risk for GERD, acid reflux, indigestion, and ulcers: Protective lipids affected, which protects the precious mucosal gut lining
Aggravated IBS symptoms: More sensitive to pain. In the gut.
Increased risk for SIBO: Movement affected out. So bad bacteria isn't "swept out".
Lowered immunity: Cortisol suppresses the immune function.
Also. New stress points are "recollaborated" or set. So ... you've gotten use to being under chronic stress. So more hormones are needed to get that sharp response that is needed at times. This can lead to times when you notice you don't "respond" quickly to things that you know you should. Like ... an issue in traffic or when your kid runs out in traffic and you are "stuck in place".
REFRAME STRESS ACTIVITY
Event: My top employee quit.
Stress Story: I may lose my job. He never liked me anyway. My numbers are going to go down, and it will take forever to find someone new. Emotion/Response: Fear New
New Stress Story: I’ll find another employee – one who’s a good fit and happy to fill the current role. Emotion/Response: Hopeful
Ironman (aka LIFE!!!) Training Journal ... because it's a big darn deal and you need to have your mind right!!!!
PlumPaper.com really has it going on with creating a journal that is just perfect for you. Mainly because you can customize it to help you BALANCE your #trilife
You can add all these different aspects of life:
✅ Swim / Bike / Run
✅ Yoga / Strength / Chill
✅ Eating / Resting
✅ Daily Gratitude List
✅ Habit tracker
✅ Focus areas
✅ Task List
It's just freaking awesome. I created a mini video to show you how. Which is just the tip of the ice berg on what you can do!!!
If you want a DISCOUNT code ... message below and I can email you and save you $10. Which is about 25%. COMMENT BELOW!!!!
This journal really is very useful ... even if you're not HIM or IM training. I just made one that is more ... life balancing and such. The exercise portion was minimal in my 2nd one!
EMAIL ME if you'd like a discount code! BraveSoulCoaching@gmail.com
ORRRR!!! If you'd like to do a free athlete health assessment, lets do that and I'll email you the code along with all the recommendations.
www.bonniekissinger.com/ahaRead More »
[box]Plank / shoulder protract/retract. 1 min x3
Globet squats. 3 sets of 12.
Standing reverse fly. 3 sets of 12 (5 pounds)
Leg Press. 3 sets of 12.
Cross arm cable pull. 3 sets of 12 (light weight)
Dead lift. 3 sets of 12.
Standing single arm row. 3 sets of 12 (light weight)
Standing double arm row. 3 sets of 12 (light weight)
Cable/band hamstring kick back. 3 sets of 12.
Medium weight with correct mechanics. [/box]
Today’s blog is brought to you by my attempt at balancing building my own business, working for someone else and putting food in my kids mouth. (And paying for heart surgeries).
Admittedly I don’t take being bossed around well. I don’t know if it’s me and my personality or that I just don’t deal well with crappy bosses. Maybe a combo. I do think that I do ok with folks telling me what to do. I don’t think I do well when I don’t have room to do things with excellence , if thats outside of their status quo / expectations. Certainly if what they want me to do goes against my ethics. That’s a real big rub. One of the main reasons for the beginning of the end of my 9-5 engineering gig.
I know that in the past I would take things personal and all that. Now ... I think I just don’t do well with disrespect and lack of adulting ability.
Definitely tho ... I have work to do. Roger that.
Today, with some work related drama in the background ... I think about the fact that I haven’t been the best boss to myself.
- I for sure in the past haven’t given myself enough praise
- I might not give myself enough grace in recognizing that making changes is hard and needs more of the above to help facilitate a perm change
- Definitely too critical and default to being to hard on myself
- I tend to not honor the boundaries that I set for myself and others
- I am not the best at being consistent but I am getting better at this
AT this sentence I think a big fat pause is needed in this conversation!
Let’s take a second to look at terms and maybe open up to different thoughts in this area.
BOSS = ??
When we say boss ... what does your mind say to you? What filter do you automatically put in place.
“Person in charge”. Your thought: oh, I need to behave differently.
Your thoughts ...
Anyway. The point is .... how do you really view the person that is “above” you. In that place of guidance and leadership.
I believe that the person is suppose to be teaching you a lesson. That the catch 22 is that maybe it’s the terrible “boss” that is suppose to be teaching you the lesson. Funny how karma makes things so zesty and fun to figure out.
POINT IS ...
Are you being a good leader to yourself? Are you inspiring yourself to work differently to improve and reach towards your next goals.
Is your job “boss” inspiring the same? Do your principles align with theirs?
So many hard questions.
Let’s pull this point into a convo that you have a lot of control on. Influence. YOU BEING YOUR OWN EXCELLENT BOSS. Even if you have to go to a J O B, you can still be your own boss. Leader. Inspire-er of all this epic and awesome.
1. KNOW WHO YOU ARE
What you stand for. This is the make it or break it. You know (mindful) of who you really are, or hold the one with the boundaries that honor that. The ship sinks.
This is why Franklin Covey in the planners starts out with your principles.
(Truth needs to be present here. The deep down, who you are. Not ... “good mom” or whatever. YOU. Deep down. The stuff on your tombstone.
for me ....
I am a person that says the truth. “Satya”. So if I have to tell an untruth or be in the gray area, this is a big fat rub for me personally, mentally, emotionally, spiritually.
2. BUILD TRUST
So considering that you know who you are and what you stand for. Build trust with yourself by honoring your ethics and beliefs. AND....
When you say you are going to do something. Do it. For your own trust with yourself. As well as having others trust you.
for me ....
I like to help others, a lot. I probably tend to sway that side more (maybe to fill my “acceptable account”) than compared to my “truth account”. So I will allow others to cross a boundary or two because I am “helping” them, at the cost of my own ethics, and not speaking my truth. Honoring who I am. As a result, I lose trust in myself, in a deep down sense.
So my action step, in knowing who I AM, appropriately communicating boundaries with myself (or others) and HOLD THE LINE. In as pleasant a way as possible. Not being afraid to step on toes, don’t shy away in an attempt to fill the “acceptance account”. Go to flipping sleep at 10 or 10:30, BK! Do it. Stop jacking around with that bed time/boundary.
3. PRAISE PRAISE PRAISE
It is so hard, but we really need to get into a better mental and emotional habit of defaulting to praise vs criticism or even constructive feedback. And praise ourselves. Praise others. FIRST.
Focus on what is working. Not what needs fixed. You might be wrong about the issue, or just completely full of feces. Positivity. Focus on what’s working and is always the way to go.
for me ....
Reward myself. Quiet time in the bath. Coffee outside watching the birds. Little sticky notes that say “good job BK, you rocked that!” (and not internalize other's judgments on my actions)
I have a favor saying. #thelittlesarewatcing
A parenting truth. Your children do what you do. Not what you say. And if you constantly say something differently then they do .... OMG. The problems that ensue. Zero trust. They might actively do the opposite of what you want to express the face that you might be full of feces.
INSPIRE = fill someone with the urge or ability to do or feel something, especially to do something creative.
If #1, #2 and #3 are done well, this one naturally happens. Especially if you are thinking about how that person (or you ) think, learn, express themselves and feel .... you will be a rockstar in connecting and just rocking your jam. Inspiring others is a fully thing. It comes for you doing YOU EXCELLENTLY, giving all your heart and soul. Those that need to see that and experience it will be placed right in front of you.
BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE
(even if it is totally opposite what’s manifesting at that point in time)
for me.... I need to fill my life with people that are inspiring me. Simple as that. Read inspiring things. Watch inspiring things. Fill my soul with what’s inspiration.
5. CONSTRUCTIVE OBSERVATIONS
Communicating feedback is so important. Your relationship with yourself, with others and etc is a two way street. That is a truth. It completely maps up with that smartie Isaac Newton and his equal and opposite reaction law. You do something. There will be an affect. Feedback in and of itself isn’t good or bad. Positive or negative. Getting into the habit of giving positive feedback can be hard as we are a society that LOVES to take all the credit, not give credit to others and also to be obsessed with the negative. What’s not working. Or how I'm so awesome and did this all myself, as help is construed as negative. "I couldn't do it myself."
This positive feedback is the foundation of everything. Good parenting. Good dog training. Good coaching. Good relationship. Good self management.
On the opposite side of the coin, expressing the other feedback is equally important. (Truth, sometimes the lessons come the hard and uncomfortable way. Or most of the time). We just usually suck at it or shy away from conflict because others suck at it ... or we are delusional and think we are always right. We aren’t all that good at looking it the mirror ... in an objective and constructive (loving) way.
Constructive observation instead of criticism. If you do this and the panties get in a wad, you know that the issue isn’t (usually) with what you said or what not, but more in the person in front of you. If that happens to be you ... then you need to have a reality check with your competing behaviors. And as my coach says to me all the time, “get your mind right Kissinger”.
I need to journal daily to communicate with myself. See what I’ve been doing well. What I can work on. Where my bullshit is at (Roger that!) Use the journalling platform to be the best boss of mine that I can be.
CAN I GET A HELL YEAH!?!? ;)
STOP FREAKING BULLYING YOURSELF. Be a good boss. A leader to yourself. Not a jerk face.
Do not be afraid to fire people. ;). Maybe they need a different job.
Do that and the others around you will probably naturally follow suit. Or things will get cleaned up. Either way. Winner winner chicken dinner.
We talk about goals. I want to do this. I want to do that. I want to lose weight. I want to do a marathon. I want to be a better mom and human being. I want to fix the anxiety.
We set goals. We have these big things that we want to do. We can get really wrapped up in that the end looks like. When we begin ... most of the time we already have set the expectation of what success looks like. And it is usually borrowed from somewhere/someone else .... We might become very rigid in what that looks like. Become very attached to "creating" that exact thing or how we perceive it to "look". Like... my 401K needs to have this amount of money it in because that is the only way I'm going to have security when I'm older. Or .... my kid has to turn out to gotten all good grades and went through college and got a good job and a good marriage in order for me to check mark that I was a good parent. Or ... I have to hit my marathon goal to prove that I am a good enough athlete, that I'm not slow and pathetic". I think that some amount of that is important. To hold the line. (I don’t believe in everyone gets a participation ribbon, sometimes the line needs to be far enough that some fail. So the lessons are learned).
Goals are GREAT. But the truth is that everything is changing all the time. Facts of science. And it’s just common sense that if that is true, hahaha, which it is, then the end picture if you will, has a high likelihood of looking different than what you envisioned when you started. You almost want to really embrace this because it means (proves) that you did change. Because we want to change. If the goal is big enough, and heart felt ones always are ... you have to be different in order to accomplish it. Thats growth. You are either growing or you are dying. (THE DASH) We need to learn how to be flexible with those changes so we roll with the slight adjustments along the way. That is where faith comes in. Faith that when you GET ON THE ROAD, and work your ass of to go down the road, hopefully faster than slower, you don’t freak the heck out on the slight detours that might just gift you with most awesome stuff .... That lack of faith or freaking out at the detours can very well cause you to cheat yourself out of something glorious or the whole flipping goal.
DO NOT FREAK OUTHAVE FAITH
(plus be brave, look at what’s in front of you, pick up what you need, use the darn thing, and continue forward)
I do believe that all our goals, if we look close enough, have ties to our heart. “I want to lose this stupid 20 pounds!”. DEEP down I believe this stems from the #heartgoal of wanting to develop better self love activities, take better care of ourselves, love ourselves more, do the right things, etc. I do not believe that we REALLY want or are designed to drink our life away, or play small all the time or live a boring ass life that doesn't make a dent anywhere. (A positive dent thank you very much!) Yeah, a lot will get hung up on fitting in the cute jeans, tri shorts, etc .... but I do truly believe that underneath that is the TRUE DESIRE to love ourselves more so we see (outwardly shine) a more attractive version of ourselves. It is the visual feedback that we accomplished the REAL CHANGE we wanted, the self love habits accomplished.
It’s the journey that matters. We begin. And we end. We start out gloriously perfect. We ALWAYS have the part of ourselves that is gloriously perfect and bright (we just cover it up). And we will always die. What you can influence with the “dash”. What you do in the middle is what matters.
Did you take the detour and help a stranger, perhaps save a life and grace yourself a bit too ... or did you freak the f out and make life harder on yourself and those around you?
THE DASH MATTERS. What you do with the dash is what brightens life. What graces others. What dictates not the end number or the end goal, but how big of a smile there was. What gets WRITTEN ON YOUR TOMBSTONE is the dent you make. What do you want written on yours?
This is why I tell my athletes, GET THE BEST RACE PICTURE EVER! It represents all the blood, sweat and tears that it took to get there. It represents the DASH! The Journey. Doesn’t matter if you got on the podium or were dead last.
THE DASH MATTERS
Our programmed minds work fast. A lot of things are coming at us, so we do need these trigger fast default values that we place on things. Helps us to process and deal with the world. We can have defaults that work for us and that hold us back.
I believe our default value of “bad” for the adjective “dark” doesn’t serve us well.
Light and Dark
Anger as being dark
The dark wolf (or black)
The Dark Side of the Force ???
Black magic (they totally jacked up the word “black” with that one)
The Dark Knight ???
Nightmare (night didn’t do anything bad ...)
Disney’s Hercules depicts Hell as dark (The Underworld)
I could totally go on a tangent on how we thing the light is GOOD and the absence of light is bad, but Newton would beg to different and maybe some of the scientist and yogi’s too. Some think that the process of things (in a BIG picture) requires the cycling through light and dark (expansion and contraction) (sun to black hole ...) blah blah blah. Back to my point ... which is ...
I think we do ourselves a big fat disservice when we default to anything with the adjective “black” or “dark” instantly gets a “bad” wrap.
For all of my life, I have been scared of the dark. Not like .... “scared” but more like “fight or flight” heart rate is now “160 thank you and panic is ensuing”. Like PTSD.
Hahahaha. You all are gonna start to like I need a straight jacket.
An example of how I use to live with this ... I use to live in a house that the washer and dryer were in the basement (one of the quad level houses with 1/2 a basement with scary creepy steps ...). The basement light was a bulb with a string on it, the basement wasn’t finished, etc. So when I would be climbing (crawling) up the stairs with my laundry, if I was going to adult well and turnoff the light, I would have to exit in the dark. I would have a mini panic. Each and every time. My smart brain would say “Bk, you’re stupid. You KNOW there is nothing in this basement that would hurt you.” And the badass voice would say, “you could probably kick their ass even if they were here ;) ). Anyway, one of the voices would be “you are not safe”. That one is a hard one to deal with (or silence).
In my coaching and life experience, we don’t heal (silence some voices) but having an underlying thought that it’s “bad”. When I tore up my right AC joint, that shoulder didn’t get better until I stopped calling it my “bad shoulder”. It lots lots better when I called it “bambino”.
I tell people now .... “don’t slap the baby”. This goes for either dealing with hurt hamstrings, plantar fasciitis ... or the soft spots of the heart.
It. Is. All. Energy. All of it.
More of the point BK ....
So the thought of doing night diving in Ecuador was sort of an interesting one. I’m pretty fearless and if there is a “reasonable amount of danger” involved ... I’m in. I guess I like living on the edge. I’m usually well prepared and what not tho. ;) I have an adventurer’s heart, which in this case just about completely won over my fear of not being able to see what’s around me. To lay in a bit of backstory ... not to beat it like a dead horse, but .... I have copious amounts of glorious stories from my childhood that explain why the heck I’m a touch cray cray. This is a good one. I
might have been taken to see Psycho when I was ... way to young, 8 maybe. When Norman got the part about whacking his mom over the head with a shovel ... I finally ran out of the theater and sat (by myself) by the doors until the movie was done. What makes this super funny .... in a really ironic (perhaps f’ed up) way .... years later I had to visit my dad in Iowa for a month during the summer. He lived in this house ... that no joke ... looked EXACTLY like the Bates’ house. Ancient, creaky, 200 years old .... fill of dusty antiques, secret passage ways between rooms .... I shit you not. Hahahaha. I type this and what to laugh my ass
off and cry at the same time. I stayed in the north room for years, which had the attic door, which lead to the attic, which housed a big ass colony of bats. Let your mind wonder for a bit. This house was the bomb really. It had a spiral back stair case and and and ... lovely. I finally got to stay in a better room that was a bit less .... anyway. I ended up 40 completely scared of the dark.
**Back to night scuba diving** .... So the adventure voice was fully in charge until I was sitting on the edge of the boat to **fall backwards** into the “**not filled with light**” ocean in the “**no sun to be seen**” sky. But I know how to tell the scared one “shhh” it’s ok. Really. And that generally works anymore.
As an aside. In the yoga world, we teach that back bends in general are filled with “fear” from not being able to see what’s coming next. hahaha. So this flipping over the side of a boat definitely pushed me WAY outside my comfort zone for a moment. “BK, what the f are you doing???” “Do we really have to do this?” I know exactly where these voices come from and that gives me power to shush the voices enough to get through until the adventure’s voice is loudest again. Or the warrior’s voice ... that ones pretty loud too. (as well as working towards those parts of me not needing to express themselves so much. Healing the soft parts.)
Flipping off a perfectly good boat in the “unlight” .... I won’t lie. I sort of messed up the flipping business a little bit and ended up doing a somersault in the “can’t see shit” cold water. (Yeah yeah. It’s the ocean. Cold. I had a lot of neoprene on too. Add that in for those that know).
And this is what the voices had to say.
1. Nice job BK! You are going to drown because you screwed that shit up and you can’t use your flashlight right now because you have no idea which way is up and you FOR SURE can’t blind anyone use your light wrong and being a jerk face. 75%
2. BK. STFU and figure out which way is up. 23%
3. HOLY F ME. Scared. This was just a feeling, but it’s intense. (The kind that you pee. Lizard freaking brain). 3%
Looks like the snarky voice won out on that. And can apparently get shit done. ;)
Once I got myself righted and my light on. All was good. GREAT actually. Like maybe voices said “F$ck YEAH!” This is way cool!!! It was surprising very serene, peaceful. There was something about without the constant site of those I was diving with ... I felt totally at peace with the ocean. I was INVESTIGATING. So cool. Our guide took us to a shallow cave where we saw and chilled with a sea turtle that was sleeping.
I was at peace. And stupid excited to be experience this beautiful piece of the earth.
Super glad that I didn’t let legitimate fear and issues stop me from experiencing that moment.
That’s the point?!
There are beautiful things in the darkness.The dark places aren’t necessarily “bad”.That dark wolf is a needed part of being badass. That’s your warrior.You don’t/won’t heal your soft spots saying they are broken or bad. Don’t let anyone tell you different.
(ps. I'm not afraid of the dark anymore.)